Dear Queenie,
I’ve heard a lot of mother-in-law jokes and read a lot of letters in advice columns complaining about mothers-in-law – and now my daughter is expecting her boyfriend to ask her to marry him.
Queenie, do you have any advice how I can avoid becoming the butt of another joke or letter to you?—Girlfriend’s mother
Dear Mother,
First and foremost, when (if) the happy couple tell you their good news, do not ask your daughter if she is pregnant.
Do not let the thought that your daughter might have done better cross your mind, let alone saying it out loud.
When you are making preparations for the wedding, do not squabble with the groom’s family over details.
And, when grandmotherhood time arrives, remember how much you hated outside advice on how to raise your children and do not offer your daughter and her husband any advice unless they ask for it – and even then keep it low-key (a suggestion, not “do what I tell you”).
Dear Queenie,
My sister is getting married next summer and she wants me, my wife and our 4 kids to be there. The wedding will be in New York and the trip for the 6 of us would cost much more than we can afford, plus the fact that our kids are all very young and arranging care and supervision for them would be difficult and that much more expense.
I have explained all of this to my sister but she still wants all of us there.
Queenie, do we really have to go?—Brother of the bride
Dear Brother,
A wedding invitation (like any other invitation) is a request for your presence, not a command performance. Explain to your sister again what you have told me and tell her that you (and your wife, if possible, but definitely not the children) will be happy to attend. If that does not satisfy her, express your regrets at not being able to be there on her special day, and stay home.
Dear Queenie,
There’s a couple my husband and I get together with all the time. Recently when he was away on business I had dinner at a restaurant with the other husband while his wife was busy at some meeting or other.
When I mentioned it to my husband he got mad and said I had no business having a date with another man, especially one who is married to a friend. I tried to tell him it wasn’t a date, just dinner with a friend but he says it just doesn’t look right.
Queenie, did I really do something wrong?—Confused
Dear Confused,
No, you did not do anything wrong, but because it upset your husband you might not want to do it again.
I wonder, did the other man’s wife know about your dinner with her husband? And if so, how does she feel about it? And, how would you feel if your husband went out to dinner with her (just her, not her husband) while you were otherwise occupied
Dear Queenie,
When my mom wakes me up in the morning she pulls up the blinds and opens the windows all the way. I don’t mind the fresh air, but the sun shines right into my room and the bright light hurts my eyes.
I’ve asked her to set the blinds to keep out the light but she just won’t bother.
Queenie, how can I get her to understand?—Light-sensitive
Dear Light-sensitive,
I would be willing to bet that your mother does understand, but uses this as a way to keep you from going back to sleep. If it bothers you so much, make a habit of waking up before your mother comes to get you out of bed. Buy an alarm clock, if necessary, or set an alarm on your cell phone if it has that feature (most of them do, nowadays).
And, you might want to have your eyes checked by a doctor, possibly an eye specialist, to learn why you are so sensitive to light and/or if there has been any damage to your eyes.
Dear Queenie,
My wife is a different person when she drinks and when she sobers up she never remembers what she said and did while she was drunk. I have tried to tell her but she thinks I’m making it up to get her to quit drinking like I did a couple of years ago, because “misery loves company.”
Queenie, how can I get her to see the truth?—Sober husband
Dear husband,
Telling your wife what she has said and/or done while she was drunk is not enough. You will have to show her. These days, with so many electronic recording devices available, it should be possible to arrange to video-record one of her drunken episodes with full sound effects. Even your cell phone might be adequate for the task.
Hopefully, the shock of seeing herself as others see her will motivate her to stop. And if she needs more help than you alone can give her, refer her to Alcoholics Anonymous (for contact information, if you do not already have it, see Agenda, page 2 of this newspaper).
