Dear Queenie,

Our son married a woman of a different faith than ours and his sister has cut him out of her life because of it. We do not share this attitude and we have tried to talk her out of it but she won’t listen.

She doesn’t quarrel with us for staying in contact with him, but she won’t have anything to do with him anymore. Our son, on the other hand, is angry because we keep in touch with his sister and he accuses us of supporting her bigotry.

Queenie, is there any way we can get them to reconcile?—Caught in the middle

Dear Caught,

Not unless your daughter becomes more tolerant of her brother’s wife. However, if (when) your son becomes a father he may come to understand that you do not stop loving your children just because they have ideas with which you do not agree – and that the only chance you have of helping his sister become more tolerant is to stay in touch with her.

Dear Queenie,

The only time I hear from my mother and step-father is when they need help with something around the house or transportation to go somewhere. I don’t even get invited to family events unless they need a ride to get there. When I had to go to the hospital for surgery they didn’t bother to come to the hospital or call to see how I was doing.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t answer their calls anymore.

Queenie, does that make me a bad daughter?—Fed up

Dear Fed up,

How often, pray tell, do you call them to see how they are doing? Perhaps you have made them feel as though you do not have time for them, so they only call on you for help when the matter is urgent and they have no other option.

And did you even let them know you were going to be in the hospital, and why, and how to contact you there?

Maintaining a relationship of any sort is a two-way street, you know.

Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend refuses to go to family events with me. He always has an excuse, like he has to work or he just doesn’t know anyone who will be there but me.

It’s embarrassing having to explain why he doesn’t come with me and having to make excuses for him all the time.

Queenie, don’t I have a right to be angry about this?—Going solo

Dear Going solo,

Try looking at this from your boyfriend’s point of view. Apparently he does not know your family, at least not very well, and they may have made him feel uncomfortable in the past – perhaps by quizzing him about the status of your relationship with him. Or perhaps he is just socially awkward and uncomfortable with strangers.

Things may get better if he gets to know your family one or two at a time rather than en masse at “family events.”

Dear Queenie,

I have a friend who can’t seem to make or keep a date. If I call her to suggest going out for lunch or even just going shopping together, she’ll tell me she’ll let me know, but most of the time she ends up telling me she just can’t make it.

Recently I suggested we go to a community meeting together and she said she’d let me know, but when it got close to the date I still hadn’t heard from her so when my sister suggested we go together I called my friend to ask whether she was going, but she was too busy to talk to me and said she’d call me back later but she never did, so I just went ahead and went to the meeting with my sister. Now my friend is mad at me.

Queenie, was I wrong or was she?—Frustrated friend

Dear Frustrated,

In this case, you both were wrong. Apologise to your friend for not going to the meeting with her. And from now on, when she gives you the “I’ll let you know” routine, tell her you will take that to mean “No” unless and until she gets back to you with a firm “Yes.” Or just stop trying to arrange to do things with her.