Dear Queenie,
I am a nervous sort of person and the littlest thing can make me completely panicky. The other day my husband told me he is sick of the way I can’t handle the least little problem and he wants a divorce and for once I managed to stay calm.
I asked him to wait with the divorce until I could get some counseling and he agreed and later he apologized and said he would wait and see if the counseling would help, and now things have gotten back to normal.
But Queenie, how do I get over being scared he might just leave me?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Get that counselling as soon as you can, and try to persuade your husband to go with you to learn how to deal with your problem from his side. Contact the Mental Health Foundation, tel. 542-1677, for a referral.
(This telephone number is pre-Hurricane Irma. If MHF’s contact information has changed, I hope one of my readers will bring me up to date.)
Dear Queenie,
My father-in-law is a rude, crude man who constantly used foul language and makes racist remarks in front of my young sons.
He does love the boys and treats them very well except for the way he talks.
My wife and I keep reminding the boys about the way we expect them to behave when they are at home with us and they are pretty good about that, but what will happen when they get older?
Queenie, how do we deal with their grandfather then?—Worried father
Dear Father,
Presumably your wife grew up with her rude, crude father and still managed to turn out very well or you would not have found her attractive enough to marry her, so I think you can continue to explain acceptable behaviour to your sons – and to show them by example.
However, your father-in-law’s racism is a bigger issue. Explain to him that you have no wish to try to change his opinions, but you do not share them and you will not allow your children to grow up sharing such beliefs, so if he cannot keep them to himself when you and/or the boys are around, you will leave and take them with you.
And if you find out that he has been spouting off that way in front of the boys when you are not with them, tell him you will not allow them to visit him without you being present to hear what he is saying.
Dear Queenie,
I have a relative who always expects to get a perfect gift but never likes the ones we give her. I want to celebrate special occasions like birthdays and Christmas by giving a gift, but she makes it not fun.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Un-appreciated gift-giver
Dear Gift-giver,
Gift certificates from her favourite stores, or just cash or a cheque. That way she can only complain to herself. If she complains about receiving money instead of a specific gift you might want to stop giving her anything – and in that event, if she still complains, tell her she has only herself to blame, and why.
Dear Queenie,
My response to “Pulled 2 ways” (October 10) is this. I would like to suggest she does the honorable thing and consider getting a marriage proposal. Do not be fooled.
Scripture states in Proverbs 26:11 (Good News translation): “A fool doing some stupid thing a second time is like a dog going back to its vomit.”
Wait on a good relationship through praying. Don’t worry.—Another faithful reader
Dear Faithful reader,
Thank you for your input. I hope “Pulled 2 ways” sees it.
Dear Queenie,
My children are teenagers and think they should be allowed to have all the same things their friends have and to do all the same things their friends do.
Queenie, how do I explain to them that this is not possible?—Harassed mom
Dear Mom,
If there are things your children have and/or do that their friends do not have/do, be sure to point these things out to them.
Then explain to them that all families are different, and in your family this is how things are.
