Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has a lot more money than me. He pays for everything and won’t ever let me buy him a treat. He even pays some of my bills without me knowing about it and after we have been together I have even found money in my purse or my jacket pocket that I didn’t put there. If I admire something in a store or mention something I have seen that I liked, he will go and buy it for me.
I know this sounds great, but it makes me feel like he thinks I am after his money and that I can’t take care of myself, when what I want is to contribute my fair share to our relationship, even if it isn’t as much money as he does.
Queenie, how do I make him understand?—Not-broke girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend seems to be very generous, but he does take things too far. Have you tried to explain to him how all this makes you feel? If not, do so at once, and more than once if necessary.
If he still does not stop leaving money for you, insisting on paying for everything, buying you things and paying your bills, it may indicate that he has less respect for your feelings than you would like to believe, and likes feeling like a bigshot.
And the next time you find money he has left for you, donate it to your favourite charity, or to his in his name, and tell him what you have done with the money.
Dear Queenie,
My grown-up daughter still lives with us and I would like her to move out because I am tired of picking up after her, but my husband, her father, won’t hear of it.
Queenie, how can I get her to pick up after herself and persuade him that it is time for her to move out?—Fed-up mother
Dear Mother,
If your daughter has a job, she should be paying you something for rent and should be helping out around the house, or at least picking up after herself.
Assign her certain chores to do around the house, and if she does not do them tell your husband to do them for her or give you money to hire someone to help with the housekeeping, but do not do your daughter’s chores yourself.
I am willing to bet that if your husband has to pitch in or pay for the work, he will be less willing to pamper his daughter.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is verbally abusive. He never actually hits me, but he talks to me like I am a child and thinks anything I say is not important. He always has to be right.
I would like to leave him, but I am afraid of what he would say about me to everyone we know.
Queenie, what can I do?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
You can get professional counselling to help you learn to cope with the mental and emotional effect of your husband’s treatment of you, and you can contact Safe Haven (office tel. 9277), 24-hour hotline number 9333, tel. 721-523-6400, e-mail address This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. , or Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten) for help if you decide to leave him.
Dear Queenie,
My husband always has music playing at top volume while he is driving in the car. It hurts my ears and it’s embarrassing to have people staring at us because of it.
I have asked him to turn down the volume but he just gives me an argument.
Queenie, how can I persuade him?—Deafened wife
Dear Wife,
If your husband ever fails to give right-of-way to an oncoming emergency vehicle (police or ambulance) because he does not hear its siren he may find himself in big legal trouble.
Meanwhile, to protect your own hearing you can invest in earplugs to use when you drive with him (and whenever he has the music blasting).
Also, your husband may have already damaged his own hearing and should have it checked by an audiologist (a hearing specialist) to be sure he does not damage it even more. And maybe if he needs and gets a hearing aid(s) he will not play the music so loud.
Dear Queenie,
My two sons-in-law just cannot get along with each other. Every time they are together it ends up in a big argument. They spoil every family occasion and their children don’t get to know each other.
Queenie, how can my wife and I fix things up?—Fed-up grandfather
Dear Grandfather,
If you try to “fix things up” you may spoil your relationship with both of them. Hold separate family occasions – either two Thanksgiving dinners and two Christmas parties, or invite one daughter’s family for Thanksgiving and the other daughter’s family for Christmas. And you can have all the cousins get together at your house with only or even without their mothers, perhaps while their fathers are at work.
