Dear Queenie,
My sister, who is in her 30s, got beat up by a bunch of schoolmates when she was in high school and has had mental problems ever since, but our parents won’t do anything about it, like get her into counselling.
She lives with them and they support her and do everything for her. They even make little of how successful I am (I graduated college and have a good job and support myself) because they don’t want to make my sister feel bad.
I feel sorry for her, but I wish they would think about my feelings once in a while.
Queenie, how do I make them understand?—Younger brother
Dear Brother,
You can tell them how you feel, suggest psychological counselling for your sister and hope they will listen to what you say, but beyond that there really is not much you can do.
I hope you have found friends, and possibly a girlfriend or wife, to whom you can turn for the sympathy and support you do not get from your parents.
Dear Queenie,
My brother is active in a community service organization and when they needed help with a project that has to do with my line of work he volunteered me to help out.
The problem is he didn’t check with me first to find out if I had the time to do what they needed, which I don’t, or even if I wanted to do it.
Queenie, now what do I do?—Angry sister
Dear Sister,
First, you explain to the organisation that you cannot help them out because you do not have the time.
Then, you tell your brother – emphatically! – that he had no business offering your services without asking you, and if he ever wants to do so again he should ask you first.
Dear Queenie,
My husband has a friend who is single, attractive, smart and has a good sense of humor. He would be a good catch for any woman, but whenever I try to fix him up with a date he always makes some kind of excuse.
Queenie, do you suppose he is gay?—Matchmaker
Dear Matchmaker,
Some men (and women) are just not interested in being in a relationship, and this man may be one of them. Or he could already be in a relationship that you do not know about.
Save your matchmaking efforts for those who are interested in them.
Dear Queenie,
I am good friends with a man I have known for a long time, but I’m not interested in him in a romantic way. However, he keeps trying to make out with me and says things like, “I can’t wait to make love with you.” I keep telling him I’m not interested in him that way, but he keeps trying.
Queenie, how do I make him understand without hurting his feelings?—Just his friend, not his girlfriend
Dear Not his girlfriend,
Do not kiss your friend, not even “hello” or “goodbye”, and do not have physical contact with him in any other way. Some men take it for granted that when a woman touches them, even just on the arm, for example, it means they want more, more, more.
And if he still does not understand, sorry, but you may have to see a lot less of him.
Dear Queenie,
Me and my boyfriend have been going together for a couple of years, but when I talk about maybe getting engaged to get married he pulls away or changes the subject. I’m starting to wonder if he really loves me as much as I love him.
Queenie, am I wrong to want some sort of commitment?—Impatient girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
You are not wrong to want commitment, but if your boyfriend is not ready for it, you cannot force him to be.
You will have to decide whether to wait longer for him to make up his mind or to end your relationship with him and look for someone who is ready for something more definite and permanent.
