Dear Queenie,
Some relatives of ours just had a baby, their first child. We would like to visit them, but we don’t want to stress them out.
Queenie, do you have any suggestions?—Thoughtful relatives
Dear Relatives,
Wait until they have had the child at home for at least 3 weeks.
Keep your visit short, maybe half an hour, unless you stay to help with the housework or the new parents ask you to stay longer.
Bring food.
Wash your hands before touching the baby.
If you have small children, do not bring them with you, as their antics may cause stress for your hosts.
If the new mother needs to breastfeed her baby and cannot move around comfortably, offer to leave the room to give her some privacy.
Dear Queenie,
When I go to a party very often someone asks me where I got my fancy clothes or accessories. I think this is rude of them.
Queenie, what is a good response?—Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
When someone asks you a question like that, they usually mean it as a compliment. If you do not want to answer the question, just smile, thank them for the compliment, and talk about something else.
Dear Queenie,
My mother wants me to always tell her when I am going away for any reason – work, vacation, whatever. I’m almost 60 and they don’t need to always know where I am. When do I get to live my own life? I have a note in my wallet that says who to notify in case of an emergency and that should be enough.
Queenie, when should parents let their children live their own lives?—Fed-up daughter
Dear Daughter,
Parents do not stop worrying about their children when the children become adults. They always want to know their offspring are well and safe, especially when they are far away. Is it so hard to give them a call or send an email once in a while to let them know you are okay?
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 60s and I have custody of both my pre-school-age grandchildren. People tell me I should let them be adopted by parents who are much younger than me.
Queenie, I want what’s best for my grandchildren. What do you think I should do?—Concerned grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
If you have good health and plenty of energy, keep your grandchildren, but make arrangements for them to be taken care of if anything happens to you.
Dear Queenie,
My elderly parents do not get along well with each other. My father yells at my mother a lot and sometimes he even hits her. My mother is starting to forget things and makes a lot of mistakes. She blames my father for it and he yells at her for it, but she still cooks for him and helps him get dressed and get around.
She says she’s sick of him and he says he can’t stand looking at her, but it seems like they can’t get along without each other.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Worried sons and daughters
Dear Sons and Daughters,
Arrange to go with each of your parents when they go for their next physical check-up and talk to the doctor about the problem. Keep a close eye on their situation and try to get them out of the house separately as often as possible. Beyond that, there is not much you can do if they will not admit that they have problems.
