Dear Queenie,

  My husband and I are churchgoing people with traditional values, more so than his parents. When we visited them during summer vacation we found them drinking in front of our children, along with my husband’s brother and his wife and daughter and her boyfriend that she lives with (both of them under 21), and several of them were already drunk.

  Moreover, we found out that they had been talking to our kids about their cousin and her boyfriend living together and it was clear that they didn’t disapprove.

  Queenie, how do we explain all this to our kids?—Conservative parents

Dear Parents,

  You cannot control what other people do, only your own response.

  Explain this to your children, and make sure they understand how you feel about such things. They are sure to encounter other situations you do not approve of, and hopefully they will remember what you have tried to teach them.

Dear Queenie,

  My parents have been married for more than 40 years. Dad had a job that kept him very busy and Mom was a stay-at-home mother to us 3 kids.

  Now that Dad has retired he stays at home all the time because he has health problems and Mom doesn’t want him going out alone, but she won’t let him help around the house because she doesn’t like the way he does things and she is all the time nagging him to do things her way.

  Queenie, is there any way we can help them?—Worried daughter

Dear Daughter,

  This kind of thing often happens when couples get older and one or both of them retires. Your mother feels “invaded” and your father is depressed without his job to keep him busy. And health problems just make matters worse.

  Take them out to dinner, cultural and/or sporting events, depending on their individual interests. Perhaps you can get them interested in some of the senior programmes that are available. And if either or both of them is/are well enough, there are various organisations that would welcome them as volunteers for as many hours per  week as they are willing to donate.

Dear Queenie,

  I’m in high school and my mother is always nagging because my room is messy.

  She doesn’t care about the rest of the house which isn’t exactly neat, only about my room, but if I say anything to her about it she gets mad.

  Queenie, what’s wrong with her?—Fed up

Dear Fed up,

  Your mother wants you to learn to keep your room, and when you are an adult your home, as clean and neat as possible. If, as you say, she does not do such a good job of housekeeping she may simply be overwhelmed, and she probably wants you to learn to do better than she does.

  Maybe in addition to keeping your own room neat, you could give her some help with the rest of the house.

Dear Queenie,

  My husband loves sports events and always wants me to go with him even though I am not the least bit interested. And my sister always wants her husband to go with her to concerts and dance performances even though he would rather be at sporting events.

  Queenie, why do they do things like that?—Resentful

Dear Resentful,

  There are many reasons for this kind of thing, including power and control, but mostly it is a matter of wanting one’s spouse to keep one company and share one’s enjoyment. And the spouse might even actually learn to enjoy something new.

  But if you really do not enjoy these events, let your husband find someone else to keep him company at them – as long as it is not a byside!