Dear Queenie,
My sister and her husband (her second husband) have a son in primary school and they let him get away with all sorts of things that they would never let her older son from her first marriage do.
When they first got married her new husband treated the older boy as if he was his own, but things changed when the new baby came along.
The older boy has noticed the difference in the way they are treating the younger one and he is angry about it and this shows in the way he has begun to behave.
My sister and her husband say they treat him more strictly because they are afraid he will turn out to be like his father and the way he is behaving proves that they are right.
Queenie, what can I do to help him?—Worried aunt
Dear Aunt,
You can try explaining to your sister and her husband that if your older nephew turns out to be like his (apparently not so nice) biological father it will not be something passed on to him from his bio-dad, but because of the way they are treating him. However, they may not be willing to listen to you.
Try to persuade them to get professional counselling for the boy, and/or family counselling for all of them. The parents might be willing to listen to a professional counsellor, and at least it would help your nephew learn to deal with the situation.
Dear Queenie,
My sister cheated on her husband and they got divorced and now she is living with the man she cheated with. Their son, who is an adult, is totally upset by all this and the rest of our family totally disapproves too.
So, Queenie, what do we do when we have a family get-together? We won’t invite the ex-husband, but we don’t want to invite the new boyfriend either, so as not to upset her son, my nephew, and because we don’t approve of her relationship with him.—Disgusted brother
Dear Brother,
I understand your feelings about this “other man”, but he is part of your sister’s life now, so I suggest you invite him to these get-togethers. It will be easier for your nephew to get used to having him around and to learn to at least be polite to him if he has his other relatives around supporting him and setting a good example.
Dear Queenie,
My son and daughter-in-law recently invited us and her parents to their house to celebrate their baby’s first birthday. They have a small house and the baby doesn’t do well when there are a lot of people, so it was just the baby’s parents and grandparents.
A few days later some of our other relatives called to ask why they weren’t invited to the party and some of them were really upset that they hadn’t been included.
Queenie, how do we answer them?—Harassed grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Just tell them what you have told me – the baby’s parents have a very small house and the baby does not do well in big crowds, so it was just a small “grandparents only” occasion. Then do not let their questions bother you.
Dear Queenie,
In my family, us children were raised to know that once we finished college we were expected to be able to support ourselves, and that is what we all have done. We have all done quite well and now in fact we are able to help out our parents when they need it.
My fiancé is quite well-off, but some of his family are not and he is constantly helping them out with money.
Queenie, it looks like it will always be this way. What should I do?—Worried fiancée
Dear Fiancée,
Once you marry, you and your husband-to-be should make financial decisions together. You need to sit down with him and discuss this matter, and if he will not do so now, he is not likely to do so after you are married. Pre-marital financial (and other) counselling might help.
Dear Queenie,
After we were married for several years I found out my husband was cheating on me. We went to counselling and stayed together for our children’s sake but recently I found out he was cheating on me again and probably has been for a long time.
Queenie, should I talk to the woman he is seeing and tell her he is married and to leave him alone, or what should I do?—Miserable wife
Dear Miserable wife,
Talking to the other woman probably will not do much good. She probably knows her boyfriend (your husband) is a married man and just does not care.
You need to decide whether it is worth it to you to stay married to this man and what you have to do based on your decision. Professional and legal counselling will help you decide.
