Dear Queenie,

  My mother-in-law lost everything when my father-in-law died, because she never asked anyone for help or advice in handling her legal and financial matters. Now she lives with us. She had a job for a while, but didn’t keep it. She sleeps a lot and doesn’t do anything to help around the house. When we ask her to do something she acts like we’re picking on her. She is not that old, just 57.

  Queenie, we don’t want to make her move out, but what can we do?—Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

  Your mother-in-law may be suffering from depression due to losing her husband and all that she went through afterward. Professional counselling might help and as long as she is staying with you, you are in a position to insist that she go. Your spouse should go with her at least once to explain some of her – and your – problems to the counsellor.

Dear Queenie,

  My boyfriend has a job that keeps him so busy he doesn’t have much time to spend with me. He wants for us to get married and says that way he’ll have more time to spend with me, but he also says if he doesn’t work so much, he won’t get paid as much.

  Queenie, what do you advise?—Undecided

Dear Undecided,

  I advise you not to make any hasty decisions.

  Do not agree to marry this man until you are absolutely sure about how he feels

about you and whether you can trust what he says and the promises he makes – and how you feel about him and just what place you will have in his life in relation to his family, his work, and any other interests he may have.

Dear Queenie,

  I got divorced a long time ago when my son was in his teens and my ex-husband and I have both remarried since then, but our son doesn’t have much to do with either of us. He is grown up and married now and has a child of his own, but he won’t let us have anything to do with our grandchild. He says he doesn’t trust us because we make bad decisions.

  Queenie, how can I get him to let me see my grandchild?—Unhappy grandmother

Dear Grandmother,

  Sometimes people do not realise how hard their divorce can be on their children. Professional counselling might have helped your son at the time, and still could, if there is any way you can persuade him to go.

  Try not to provoke your son, apologise to him for the unhappiness your divorce has caused him, and ask him if there is anything you can do to improve your relationship with him.

  If you have any contact with his wife, perhaps she could help you in all this.

Dear Queenie,

  My wife and I have 6 children and for a long time I have said I can’t wait until they are all grown up and out of the house and we can have some peace and quiet, but now the older ones are all grown up and out on their own and the youngest one is in high school and will be going off to college in another year or so and I can’t imagine what it will be like when it’s just me and my wife again.

  It will be like starting out together all over again. Will we be enough company for each other?

  Queenie, what if we don’t like what we see?—Empty-nester-to be

Dear Empty-nester-to be,

  Have you talked to your wife about all this? Try to look at the bright side of being an empty-nester. Both you and your wife will then have time – and energy! – to devote just to each other, to follow up together or separately (hopefully together) on interests for which you have always been too busy raising six children, and/or to develop some new ones (again, hopefully together).