Dear Queenie,
Last year my husband and I moved to a new country for his new job. I graduated from college with a business degree and had a good job in our old home, but there is no work for me here.
I have always been the one to take care of the house and most of raising our children, in addition to working a full-time job, but now that I am not working my husband seems to think I am incompetent. He is always telling me what to do and how to do it, how to take care of the children, how to do the laundry, how to wash the dishes, you name it. If I don’t do things exactly his way he gets mad at me.
I have tried to talk to him about this, but he just says I am making it all up.
Queenie, how can I make him understand that I am just as competent as I was before we moved and I don’t need to be told how to do things?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband’s new job may be stressing him out so that he feels that he is not in control; or the fact that he is now the only source of income in your marriage may make him think he should be the “boss” in your home; or, if you are now living in a place where women are considered inferior, he may have been influenced by that attitude.
If marriage counselling is available where you now live, go for it, with or without him. If not, perhaps you and the children should take a long vacation with your family back home to ease your stress.
Dear Queenie,
My husband helps around the house and he is great with our children, but when it comes to conversation he would rather just make out and he doesn’t understand why I don’t feel the same way.
Queenie, why are men like that?—Turned-off wife
Dear Wife,
Not all men are like that.
Have you tried explaining to your husband what you like and do not like, and what it takes for him to “turn you on”? Be specific about what you want from him, and reward him promptly and thoroughly when you get it. Eventually he will get the idea – hopefully.
Dear Queenie,
Years ago when I visited my aunt, her boyfriend hugged me from behind and rubbed himself against me. When I went home I told my parents but I don’t think they ever said anything to my aunt about it.
Now my aunt has married her boyfriend, so he is my uncle and he comes to all our family gatherings, and I worry that he might do something to some of the young girls who are my cousins or my cousins’ kids.
Queenie, should I tell someone? Who should I tell?—Molester’s victim
Dear Victim,
A molester usually does not change his (or her!) habits without outside intervention, so it is important for your relatives to be informed so that their children can be protected. Talk to your parents again, and if they still refuse to say anything to anyone, talk to the parents of all the young girls in your family.
They may not believe you, and they may be angry at you for what you are saying, but this is something they need to know.
Dear Queenie,
When my boyfriend started his new business he said we should cool it for a while so he could concentrate on his work. I ended up staying at home alone while he was out partying with business associates and friends and we argued about it a lot. Then when we planned to get together he just didn’t show up and I got mad and broke up with him and now I feel like I wasn’t good enough for him.
Queenie, did I do the right thing?—Ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-girlfriend,
Yes. Your ex-boyfriend did not have the guts to break up with you, so he strung you along until you did the dirty work for him.
Time will heal this wound, especially if you remember the other old saying “Time wounds all heels”!
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend went to her best friend’s wedding, but I wasn’t invited. I heard that she danced with her friend’s brother at the reception. My friends say she shouldn’t dance with anyone else but me and she wouldn’t want to if she really cared about me.
Queenie, are they right?—Left out
Dear Left out,
No, they are wrong. Dancing with someone other than one’s boyfriend (or girlfriend) is not cheating on him (or her). Even if you had been at the wedding with your girlfriend, you both might have had an occasional dance with someone else.
