Dear Queenie,
My mother is getting senile and doesn’t recognise us, her family, or old friends when they visit her, but even if she doesn’t remember who we are she enjoys visiting with us.
A lot of her friends have stopped coming to visit because she doesn’t recognise them. I have tried to explain that she still enjoys visiting with them, but they say they can’t bear to see her this way.
Queenie, what more can I do? Maybe it will help if you tell them.—Sad son
Dear Son,
Thank you for your confidence in my influence.
To all my readers: It only takes a little while to visit someone like this man’s mother, or anyone in an old age home or a nursing facility, but it means ever so much to the one you are visiting and can make a big difference for the better in their life. Consider it your good deed for the day.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been invited to a wedding and the invitation has a note asking for a gift of money to help pay for their new house, as they already have lots of things they really don’t need.
Queenie, is this some new kind of etiquette?—Wedding invitee
Dear Invitee,
It is not any kind of etiquette, but it is happening more and more often these days. Feel free to oblige, or not, as you choose, depending on how you feel about the people involved.
And if you do not attend the wedding you are not obliged to send any gift whatsoever, although you might consider making a donation to charity in the name of the happy couple and letting them know you have done so.
Dear Queenie,
When someone invites you to a party at a restaurant, like for a birthday, who is expected to pay for the food? And if you have to pay for your own food, are you still expected to bring a gift?—Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
The host of an event is supposed to pay for it, including one held at a restaurant, but these days some people do not realise this or just do not care.
Feel free to not accept such invitations, or, if a gift is expected, to adjust what you spend on the gift to allow for what you will have to pay to attend the event. And if anyone complains about the “size” of the gift, you can explain that it was all you could afford after having to pay your restaurant bill.
Dear Queenie,
I’m going on 30 and have been in a couple of relationships, but nothing that ever got as serious as getting engaged to be married.
My mother keeps after me about settling down and getting married and having children so I won’t be alone all my life,
Queenie, I like my life the way it is. How do I get my mother to drop the subject?—Happily single
Dear Happily single,
Considering the divorce rate these days, getting married is no guarantee that you will stay that way happily for the rest of your life. You will be better off single and happy than married and miserable. You might try pointing that out to your mother.
Dear Queenie,
My husband gets distracted by what is going on in the car when he is driving, like whatever conversation we are having, and then he drives carelessly because he is paying more attention to what is going on in the car than what is going on on the road. It’s a wonder he hasn’t ever had – or caused – an accident.
Queenie, how can I get him to pay more attention to his driving?—Scared wife
Dear Wife,
The fact that your husband has never had or caused an accident makes me suspect he is paying more attention to his driving than you think, and that his apparent inattention is an abusive form of bullying he uses to get you to agree with whatever he wants.
To begin with, you can refuse to let him drive you anywhere. Either you do the driving (and do not let him distract you from it), or you make other transportation arrangements.
Professional marriage counselling also might help, if you can persuade him to go with you – but, again, either you do the driving or you go in separate vehicles.
