Dear Queenie,
When my son died last year my father was no help to me in my grief. He didn’t even want to attend the funeral because he and my son hadn’t spoken in years, and he didn’t want to talk to me until I was feeling better.
He also disapproved of the way I spoke to some people who pretended to be my son’s friends but who told nasty lies about things they said he had done in the past.
He told me to get mental counselling and didn’t want to talk to me any more.
I did go for counselling and the counsellor said there was nothing wrong with me, I just needed time to deal with my grief, and my father was being unreasonable.
Queenie, how can I make my father understand?—Grieving mother
Dear Mother,
My condolences on the loss of your son.
As for your father, he apparently is incapable of offering compassion, and may have been (may still be) feeling guilty about his estrangement from your son. I doubt you will ever be able to make him understand how you feel about all this, but further counselling may help you learn how to deal with him as well as with your grief.
Dear Queenie,
My son and his wife just had a baby, my first grandchild. They plan to have her parents do all the babysitting, even though I live near them too and have offered to do it. If I’m lucky they let me see the baby once or twice a week for an hour or so.
This makes me so unhappy I have trouble sleeping, on top of some other problems in my family and some health problems I have had these last few years.
Queenie, how can I get to have more time with my grandchild?—Unhappy Grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Your son and daughter-in-law may think they are doing you a favour by not adding the stress of caring for a new-born baby to your other problems, and they may be right. And, of course, your daughter-in-law is closer to her own parents than to you.
They have not cut you off completely from your grandchild – you do get to see the baby several hours a week. Perhaps as you become less stressed-out and the baby grows older you will get to see him/her more often and/or for longer periods of time.
Dear Queenie,
I am happily married, but I got a crush on a woman I met where I work. Nothing ever happened between us and I have been working from home since all this COVID-19 stuff started, but I can’t help thinking about her a lot.
Queenie, I would never do anything about all this, but how can I stop thinking about it?—Otherwise faithful husband
Dear Husband,
Whenever these thoughts come into your head, take a cold shower! Use some ice if necessary.
And try to avoid this woman if you start ever seeing her at work again, even if it means looking for another job.
Dear Queenie,
Some friends of ours invite us over for dinner at their home quite often. I would like to invite them to our house for dinner, but I don’t cook. Taking them out to dinner at a restaurant doesn’t seem quite the same and I would hate for them to think they would have to do the same for us.
Queenie, help!—Not a good chef
Dear Not a good chef,
Invite your friends to your house for dinner and order whatever you want to serve them. If they compliment you on the food, be honest and tell them what you did (and why).
You might also tell them where you ordered the food from, just to give them a chance to enjoy eating there – and to give the place a little free advertising.
Dear Queenie,
Both my wife and I started smoking as teenagers and we both have serious health problems because of it, so when our children got to that age we gave them a big allowance every week as long as they didn’t start smoking and when they grew up and had children we did the same for our grandchildren.
Queenie, I hope you will pass this idea along to your other readers.—Smoke-free Grampa
Dear Grampa,
Here it is, and I hope it will work for others as well as it has worked for you, your children and their children.
I am not a smoker and I am totally against the habit in others, not only for their sakes, but for the sake of everyone around them who has to put up with all the second-hand smoke and the health problems it can cause in addition to the unpleasant atmosphere it creates.
