Dear Queenie,
My grown-up son lives on his own except when he runs out of money and then he comes running home to me for help.
He is an attractive man and has no problem finding women who like him and let him take advantage of them, and then when he breaks up with them they come to me to help them get back together with him.
Queenie, how can I get him to do better for himself and for all those women?—Unhappy mother
Dear Mother,
As long as you keep “helping” your adult son with money he will never take the trouble to learn to do for himself. It is far past time you learned to say “no” to him and insist that he fend for himself.
And as long as you spend time listening to the women who turn to you for help with their problems with your son, they will continue to “cry on your shoulder”. Again, it is time for you to learn to say “no” to them too. Tell them to look for professional counselling and hang up on them (or push them out the door if you have let them come into your home).
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend has a good job but she still depends on her parents to pay her bills for her and to give her extra money if she can’t afford something she wants or doesn’t have enough to cover her credit card bills. We don’t talk to each other about money but I know she talks to them about it all the time.
I knew she was like this before we moved in together, but nothing has changed since then and whatever they tell her to do about money she does it, without talking to me about it.
Queenie, when will she ever grow up?—Vexed
Dear Vexed,
She will never grow up until her parents let her, or are no longer there to coddle her. You can try to convince them to allow (or compel) her become more independent, but I suspect they will be reluctant to let go of her to that extent. Good luck!
Dear Queenie,
With all the staying at home because of the COVID-19 pandemic I’m having a hard time keeping myself and my kids busy. We can’t spend all our time watching TV, even if there was all that much interesting to watch.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Bored stiff
Dear Bored stiff,
Read a lot. There are websites where you can read books on-line.
Also, arts and crafts can keep all of you occupied.
Teach your children to cook while you are preparing meals.
And if you live in a house with a yard, start a garden – flowers if you like, or vegetables if you want to save a little bit on groceries.
Dear Queenie,
My father-in-law keeps a loaded gun in his house at all times. I want my children to be close with their grandfather, but I won’t let them visit him unless the gun is unloaded and locked up safely, and he says he won’t do it and I am just being a sissy.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Nervous about guns
Dear Nervous,
Let your children visit their grandfather as long as you are there to keep a close eye on them all the time. If he wants more time with them than you can manage, let him visit them in your home – but make certain he has not brought that loaded gun with him!
Dear Queenie,
My parents used to fight a lot and then they got divorced. Now my mother keeps saying bad things about my father even though I asked her not to talk about him that way and we had a big argument about it because she said I was taking his side and then she didn’t talk to me at all for a couple of weeks. That’s the way she used to be with Dad.
Queenie, my Mom and I used to be close but I am losing all my respect for her. Is there anything I can do about it?—Unhappy daughter
Dear Daughter,
Your mother is probably suffering from a lot of stress because of the divorce, and I suspect you are too. If you have any other family – aunts, uncles, grandparents, older cousins – to whom you can turn for emotional support, do so. Also, if you are still in school, your school counsellor may be able to help.
Your mother would also benefit from professional counselling, if anyone can persuade her to go for it.
