Dear Queenie,
My ex-husband has married the woman he had an affair with while we were still married, and she won’t let him have anything to do with me unless she is there too, which means he can’t even visit our daughter unless she comes along. She won’t even let me talk to him on the phone about our daughter unless she listens in.
Queenie, do I have to put up with all this?—Angry ex-wife
Dear Ex-wife,
Your ex-husband’s new wife knows from experience just how capable he is of cheating on his wife.
You are not wrong to be annoyed, but the fact is that this woman is now your daughter’s stepmother and will be involved in raising her, so if you do not put up with the woman’s behaviour your daughter will be the worst loser.
Try to put up with her – as civilly as you can manage.
Dear Queenie,
My sister has 2 small children but she is always leaving them with me or our parents while she goes out to have a good time. If we are too busy or just don’t want to watch the kids for her she gets mad, but if we don’t watch them she will leave them with strangers.
Queenie, what to do?—Fed-up sister
Dear Sister,
For the children’s sake, try to be patient with their mother.
And if she ever does leave them with “strangers”, try to make sure those persons are competent and caring.
Dear Queenie,
When my cat got sick it spent a lot of time at the vet and I had a big bill to pay. A friend of mine was surprised when she heard how much and said I shouldn’t waste so much money on a cat. I was shocked at her hardheartedness and I am wondering if I should stay friends with her.
Queenie, should I forgive her?—Love my cat
Dear Cat-lover,
You are not expected to agree with everything your friends think and do.
If you think this means your friend is really a mean, nasty person you do not have to stay friends with her. But if it is simply a disagreement about how much to spend (or how much one can afford to spend) on a pet’s welfare, try to forgive her.
Dear Queenie,
Our oldest daughter has graduated from college and has a job but still lives with us to save money.
Recently she started dating a guy and fell hard for him, so now she spends all her time with him and we hardly ever see her.
I think if she still lives at home she should spend some time with her family and at least come home to sleep.
Queenie, am I being old-fashioned?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Let your daughter know you miss her and would like to see her more often.
Also, invite the boyfriend to join you for meals and other activities so you can get to know him. After all, he may even become your son-in-law.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been together for 30 years and married for 25 and for all that time he has had an eye for other women and I am not sure he has not cheated on me. Now he has taken to watching porn on the Internet and I know that he [masturbates] while he watches, but if I ask if he wants to have sex he says, “No.”
Queenie, I feel like this is cheating but he doesn’t think so. What do you think?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
I think it is a form of betrayal, but your husband may not learn to understand this without professional help. Professional counselling might help him understand.
It might also help you decide what you are willing to put up with for the sake of your marriage, and how to do so.
