Dear Queenie,
I need help before I start hiding groceries in my own house. My partner has a special talent. He can locate snacks I have intentionally placed behind vegetables, inside opaque containers, or under what I believed was secure cover within 24 hours. I buy chocolate? Gone. I buy fancy juice? Finished. I buy imported cheese? “I didn’t know you were saving it.” But when I ask him to pick up groceries, he returns with exactly three items and forgets the main one. He claims he is “just eating what’s in the house.” He says if I don’t want him to eat it, I should say so. But must I really label my own treats like a boarding school pantry? We are adults. We both work. I do most of the shopping. I also do not believe I should need to guard a single slice of cake like it is state property. Is this petty? Or is there a respectful way to say: please stop finishing everything I enjoy? —Snack Defensive
Dear Snack Defensive,
You are not petty. You are territorial. There is something uniquely aggravating about buying a treat, mentally planning when you will enjoy it, and discovering it has vanished into someone else’s “I didn’t know” stomach. Let us be clear: this is not about chocolate. It is about consideration. Now, since you requested a slightly petty approach, allow me to suggest the following strategic options: The Decoy Method: Purchase a visibly obvious snack and place it front and center. Hide your real treasure in a container labelled “Frozen Spinach” or “Leftover Lentils.” Few snack hunters venture there. The Labelling Ceremony: Calmly place a small sticky note on your items that reads: “For me.” Not aggressive. Just factual. If he laughs, maintain eye contact. The Equalizer Rule: If he finishes something without asking, he replaces it. Immediately. Not “next grocery run.” Same week. The Public Announcement. Light tone, serious message: “I am no longer financing solo snack adventures.” But beneath the humor is a simple truth: adults who share a home must share awareness. “If it’s in the house, it’s fair game” only works when both parties agree. You should not have to guard cheese like contraband. A playful but clear conversation will likely do more than hiding everything indefinitely: “I don’t mind sharing, but I do mind not being considered. Ask first.” And if all else fails? Buy two. Hide one. Smile knowingly. Petty? Perhaps. Effective? Absolutely. —Queenie
