Dear Queenie,
My partner posts everything. Everything. Date nights. Arguments (disguised as “lessons”). Inside jokes. My birthday gifts. Screenshots of our text messages. Even vague posts that clearly reference private conversations. We live in St. Maarten. Nothing stays quiet here. People screenshot. People zoom in. People speculate. I am not anti-social media. I post occasionally. But I do not believe every moment needs an audience. Recently, he posted something about “working through challenges” with a heart emoji. Within minutes, two different people messaged me asking if we were okay. We were fine. Until that. When I bring it up, he says I’m overthinking. He says he’s proud of us. He says I should be happy he shows me off. But I don’t feel shown off. I feel exposed. Is this just modern love? Or is there a line between sharing and oversharing? —Not for Public Consumption
Dear Not for Public Consumption,
In a place like St. Maarten, privacy is not automatic. It is intentional. On a small island, a vague caption is never vague. A heart emoji sparks speculation. Screenshots travel. Narratives form without your consent. What may feel like harmless sharing to your partner can feel like exposure to you. Now let’s be balanced. For some people, posting is expression. It is pride. It is digital affection. They see social media as a scrapbook, not a broadcast tower. When he says he is proud of you, he may genuinely mean that. But pride without permission becomes performance. Here is the provocative part: oversharing is often less about celebration and more about validation. Some people need the public to affirm what they privately feel uncertain about. “Look how good we are.” “Look how strong we are.” It reassures them. That does not mean he is insecure. But it does mean you have different comfort levels. And that difference matters. You are not old-fashioned for wanting boundaries. You are protective of intimacy. rooms not everyone is invited into. The conversation you need is simple and specific: “I’m not against posting us. I am against posting private details without asking me first.” Set the rule before the post, not after the damage. If he resists, remind him: being proud of someone includes respecting their privacy. Modern love may be digital. But intimacy is still personal. On this island, discretion is not paranoia. It is wisdom. —Queenie
