Dear Queenie,
I have been engaged for five years. Five. When he proposed, it was beautiful. Family nvolved. Church blessed. Photos posted. Everyone celebrated. We said we would marry “soon.” Soon has turned into years. Every time I ask about setting a date, there is a reason. Money. Work. “The island is expensive.” “Let’s build a little more first.” “There’s no rush.” There is rush. I am not asking for a 300-person reception at a resort. I am asking for movement. Even a courthouse and dinner would do. People have stopped asking when the wedding is. Now they just look at me with that quiet curiosity. On a small island, an extended engagement becomes community speculation. He says nothing has changed. We live together. We share life. He calls me his wife already. But if nothing has changed, why won’t he make it official? Am I being impatient? Or is five years long enough to question intention? —Engaged Since Before COVID
Dear Engaged Since Before COVID,
Five years is not “soon.” Let’s begin there. Now, let’s be fair. Sint Maarten is expensive. Venues cost. Food costs. Rings cost. Even a “small wedding” quietly multiplies. Post-COVID finances shook many people. Some couples genuinely delay because they want stability first. But here is the provocative question: does marriage require a banquet? A registrar costs far less than five years of hesitation. When someone says, “There’s no rush,” what they often mean is, “I am comfortable as we are.” And comfort can become complacency. You are not asking for fireworks. You are asking for commitment in action. Living together, sharing bills, being called “wife” socially, those are relationship habits. Marriage is a decision. If finances are the true barrier, ask for specifics: “What number would make you feel ready?” or “What timeline are we working toward?” Vague delays thrive in vague conversations. If he cannot articulate a plan, even a modest one, then this is not about money. It is about urgency. On a small island, extended engagements quietly become permanent arrangements. People stop asking because they assume. You deserve clarity, not indefinite “soon.” Calm is good. Stability is good. But intention should not require half a decade to materialise. If he wants forever, he should not be afraid of a date. —Queenie
