Dear Queenie,
My husband is in his 50s, and recently I noticed something that has me concerned. While doing the laundry, I picked up a slight smell of urine on his boxers. It was subtle, but noticeable. This is new. Naturally, I did what many women do, I went on the internet. I learned that as men get older, small leaks can happen and may be related to prostate issues or other age-related changes. Now I am unsure what to do. I don’t know if he has noticed and is too embarrassed to mention it. Or if he truly has no idea and would be mortified if I brought it up. I love my husband, and I do not want to embarrass him or make him feel self-conscious. At the same time, if this is a health issue, I feel it should not be ignored. Queenie, do I say something? And if so, how do I raise it gently?—Concerned Wife Doing the Laundry
Dear Concerned Wife Doing the Laundry,
Yes, you should say something. But say it with the same care you would want if the roles were reversed. What you noticed may be nothing serious. Or it may be an early sign of something worth checking, such as changes related to the prostate, urinary tract issues, or simple age-related leakage. Whatever the cause, embarrassment should not stand in the way of health. Now, let us acknowledge the obvious. For many men, anything involving the words “prostate,” “leakage,” or “urine” lands directly in the ego. So timing and tone matter. Do not bring it up in the laundry room while holding the evidence. Choose a private, calm moment and say something like: “I noticed something recently that may be worth mentioning to your doctor. It could be nothing, but I wanted to tell you because I care about your health.” That approach keeps the focus on concern, not criticism. And remember, this is not unusual. Bodies change. Women deal with hot flashes, hormonal shifts, and all manner of indignities. Men, too, have their own set of age-related surprises. The healthiest couples are the ones who can discuss these changes without shame. If he has already noticed, he may be relieved you raised it gently. If he has not noticed, you are giving him useful information. Either way, this is not a reason for embarrassment. It is a reason to book a check-up. And that, dear wife, is what partnership looks like after 50.—Queenie
