Dear Queenie,
My best friend is getting married and asked me to be her maid of honour and I accepted. The problem is that she has had to change her wedding date and the new date is the same date my boyfriend and I were going to go on vacation together and he says she should change her wedding date again to one that doesn’t interfere with our plans and he’ll never forgive me if I change my plans with him for her sake.
I happen to know he can change his vacation time easily if he does so well in advance and there is still time to do so and we hadn’t made any reservations yet, so what is the problem? But he says my promise to him should be more important to my promise to her.
Queenie, do you think he is right?—Caught between the two of them
Dear Caught,
Changing all the arrangements that go with a wedding – venue reservation, caterer, etc., etc. – and asking all the other guests to change their plans also is a lot more complicated than two people changing their plans for a vacation they have not even booked yet.
Your boyfriend is making an unreasonable demand and if you let him get away with it he will continue to try to control you. You will have to decide whether you are willing to let him get away with this kind of behaviour, and whether you are even willing to stay with him given what you now know about him.
