Dear Editor,
You may keep your commitments to others, the one who is reliable always delivers and on time – integrity. However, you may not realize that you aren’t living in your truth.
Do you say “yes” when every part of you screams “no” with that heavy, nauseating feeling in your stomach? Oh, you must agree to all requests because you desperately want to maintain your “I’m a nice person image.”
Do you tell yourself that you will exercise, attend to that project, learn something new, clean the car, start saving or end a friendship, but you don’t? Do you play small because it makes someone else uncomfortable? You wouldn’t want others to think that you’re full of yourself or superior to others, right?!
Do you exaggerate or tell “white lies”?
Do you put up with abuse from your spouse, relative or other relations, because it’s too embarrassing to let anyone know that you don’t fully love yourself? Or are you the abuser who is the most charming person publicly, but you treat those closest to you with less than dignity and respect?
Do you preach that everyone is equal, yet you insult and demean others who are less fortunate than you?
These are all acts that are not aligned with your integrity.
You are merely one person with a unique personality. Don’t dishonour yourself by trying to please others while displeasing yourself. You cannot meet everyone’s desires. “No” is a full sentence; practice using it more often and you’ll be surprised by the reaction you’ll receive. Mature people will appreciate your honesty and will be inspired to do the same. As for the others who resent you, the people that mind don’t matter.
It’s believed that when you don’t honour your personal commitments the chakras, the energy system in your body, become out of alignment which causes dis-ease in the body (Eastern philosophy). You can remedy this right now by making a list of all the promises you made to yourself and execute them; you’ll experience immediate emotional relief and self-respect.
Don’t dim your talents, joy or experiences because others can’t handle your light. When you shine your light the brightest possible, you give others permission to do the same. Playing small is a terrible disservice to yourself and others. If others around you cannot handle your brightness, hand them a pair of sunglasses and find like-minded people to surround yourself with.
Exaggeration of accomplishments, possessions, associations etc., is an indicator that you feel that you are not enough. Recognize this false belief and choose to make peace with it as you shift to your truth. You are enough! Furthermore, you only perpetuate that false belief of “not enough” when you are recognized for an accomplishment that you acquired based on deceit.
Abuse occurs when people mistreat or misuse other people, showing no concern for their integrity or innate worth as individuals, and in a manner that degrades their well-being. Abusers frequently are interested in controlling their victims. They use abusive behaviour to manipulate their victims into submission or compliance with their will. Abuse is an act of violence and the perpetrator, nonetheless, a criminal.
Abuse can be verbal, psychological, emotional or physical, including the silent treatment. Yelling, obscene language, insults and other demeaning language, threats, withholding money or things, restricting another’s freedom, infidelity, hitting, manipulation, withholding information, control and the silent treatment are all forms of abuse.
The silent treatment is often overlooked but is nonetheless considered emotional abuse: The term “silent treatment” refers to when a person uses silence to convey their anger or grievance by ignoring or not speaking to the victim. Often used by narcissists, silence can be a form of emotional abuse and as such, is unacceptable. Often, the person giving the silent treatment does so because they want (consciously or unconsciously) their victim to feel unworthy, to appease them, or to feel guilty about something.
It’s important that you always seek help and always share with others what you’re experiencing. Silence is the weapon of the abuser. The tolerance of such a horrific act directly undermines your inherent feelings of worthiness, dignity and respect- self-esteem. A price too high to pay. No doubt this is an act of violence and the abuser a nonetheless criminal who also suffers from a poor self -image and a lack of self-respect. No healthy person mistreats others. By pretending that all is well, you are violating yourself, your integrity.
It is common to frown on discrimination of different sorts, but do you think less of someone who is less fortunate than yourself? You may offer assistance yet secretly scorn the receiver. Our egos make us believe that we are separate from others, superior or inferior, but the truth is, we are all connected. Treating and believing that everyone is equal to you will bring you into alignment with your integrity. Besides, what you do to another, you do to yourself.
Integrity isn’t merely the promises that you keep to others, but it’s also living in your truth; the dissonance is a betrayal of yourself. The worst act of violence is the one that you commit towards yourself. Begin to truly live in integrity. The most important relationship is the one that you have with yourself.
Carmelise Gittens
St. Eustatius
