You know my mama said
There's only two things in life that are constant
That's change and change”
It’s been a little minute since I’ve hit y’all with a little dictionary definition. It’s been a while since I’ve taken y’all to school. As much as this definition has some “big” words, this is really elementary stuff – kindergarten even.
An apology, according to Google, is a regretful acknowledgement of an offence or failure. Or as the Merriam Webster dictionary says, it is an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret. However, I absolutely love what the Urban Dictionary has to say: an apology does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego. (That’s fire for a definition.)
Three decades on God’s green earth and I am still learning how to apologize effectively. (Boy, is you grown?) Well, okay, let me explain.
A couple of months ago, Zoya told me that I have an “issue” with my character being questioned. Hell yes ni… Okay, lol. It wasn’t something that was new to me, but the conversation did shed some light on a few things I wasn’t doing effectively because of this “issue” – like apologizing.
My character is something that I feel like I’ve worked hard at tailoring. You learn so many things as life goes on – things about the world, and things about yourself. Sometimes, you need to re-evaluate yourself to make sure that you’re evolving with the new information. That has always been something I have prided myself on – evolving.
So when I get into a situation where my character is being questioned, I can become defensive. I can lose sight of empathy and sympathy, and become fixated on making sure that the person knows that I am not who they’re saying that I am. Some of my apologies have been trash in the past, because I led the charge with trying to make the person understand ME, and I wasn’t taking how they felt into consideration. (I’m putting an asterisk here.)
My character wasn’t going anywhere; we could have discussed that afterward, as it was irrelevant in those moments. What should have mattered most at that moment was how the other person was feeling. But I was blinded I guess – blinded by the feeling of possible inadequacy; blinded by the thoughts that what this person was saying or thinking was true; blinded by having something I had worked so hard at, not being seen for what it really was, or just blinded at having it misrepresented.
Apologies that should have been focused on the person before me, were made about me. Misguided.
Ashlee reminded me the other day that someone’s perception of me is never who I really am, especially when their perception is driven by emotions – negative emotions at that.
BUT WHY CAN’T THEY SEE ME?!
It’s something I’ve been working through, though. If evolving is truly something that I’ve prided myself on, then I will use this knowledge and these situations as learning points – growing points.
Don’t ever let someone tell you that growing up isn’t hard… Lol. There’s always something to learn and adjust to. The only things that are constant are apparently change and change.
Subject S, I’m genuinely sorry.
*Yo, Siri, play Never Never Land by Lyfe Jennings*