“Follow the light
Follow the light
I’d go blind
If it meant that you could see
Oh baby I promise I would”
There are a lot of things that I don’t have energy for anymore. And it’s not like those things are bad, but sometimes we just try to spread ourselves too thin. Sometimes we do things – not for ourselves, but for the benefit of others – and it drains us differently.
It drains us differently because our hearts aren’t really in it.
Back when I used to compete in CrossFit, it was easy to train five hours a day. It was easy to stay motivated. It was easy to work hard. But since we stopped competing, I couldn’t spend two hours at The Box without getting frustrated. As much as I loved training, my heart was in training; there was no end goal or real reason to do CrossFit anymore. So it began to drain me.
That’s why I needed to shift to something that I liked. My heart was still into training, but I just needed a new outlet that was actually for me. I had invested a lot of time into CrossFit; I had a training partner and some other persons were coming on board as well. It was hard “leaving that behind” or “letting them down”, but I needed to do it for me. And I found something that was for me.
This piece wasn’t supposed to be about training, lol.
I was talking to Claire the other night and I listed a few things to her that I was doing – things that weren’t particularly for me; things that I was doing because, yes; I enjoyed them, yes; but my heart wasn’t into. Actually, hearing myself say those things out loud sent me into a state of evaluation.
Do I need to be doing this? Is the long term effect going to be negative or positive? Am I giving myself priority? Those were just some of the questions I had to ask myself.
Anytime I put myself through a long period of grinding, my body lets me know when it’s time to ease up. I get sick. It’s mainly just an annoyingly stuffy nose, but it’s my body’s way of saying, “Rest me, before I rest us.”
I ain’t ever want him to rest us; so I’ve pulled back on some things and I’m also going to take a few days OFF soon – days that I said I was going to take since January, lol.
I also had a conversation with Castel that always seems to put things into perspective for me; so there are some other things that I’ll be working on as well.
Uhm, that it really…
*Yo, Siri, play Follow The Light by rum.gold*