Through Cam's Lens: Consent

Through Cam's Lens: Consent

“Yeah, a woman’s worth is everything without you, baby (Ooh)

Put your blinkers on if you don’t wanna hear it, baby

If it all falls down, I’ll make another way again

‘Cause I’m feeling so high”

[Coordinator: A heavy sigh weighs on my chest every time I think about your musical choices *ironic face emoji*]

Last night I was on a pier sitting down having a conversation with a friend. [Coordinator: hmm the dubious location and vague mention of the “friend”, let me know you are already benefitting from Hot Girl Summer.] I really enjoy having conversations with women because you hear so many things about men that you would never expect. [Coordinator: I think I know you too well, I should have bet money.] I hear stories and things that seem like common sense to me but doesn’t seem so common amongst my fellow man.

Jiggas be trifling. [Coordinator: that they do.]

The topic was consent and comfortability. We were going back and forth exchanging experiences. I told her that I have been in situations and heard stories from other women where they feel like they HAVE to do certain things. For example, if they agree to go on a date with a guy, they feel like they HAVE to kiss him at the end of the night. And not in the sense of “If I go on a date, I want to kiss him at the end of the night.”, but more so that they are obligated to kiss him because “That’s just what happens.” [Coordinator: reserving my judgement for after I read the next paragraph.]

So, my friend told me that she’s been in situations like that. She’s been in situations where she feels like because she AGREED to hang out with a guy, she automatically signed up for the extracurricular activities that might follow. And some guys actually feel that way. That if she gave consent to come out with him, that’s a green light for the rest of the night. [Coordinator: *clears throat to get into a righteously indignant rant, but instead, just agrees that this is a common problem in the dating scene*.]

I was like hold up! No fam, you did not! No jiggs, she ain’t!

She gave you consent to take her out, but you have to ask to touch her waist, you have to ask to enter her personal space and you have to ask to kiss her. I mean, sometimes the vibes are there and you just know. BUT! You gotta make sure the young lady is comfortable bro. [Coordinator: Glad you’re growing into quiet the feminist, Cam.]

I’ve been in situations in the past where I got consent to do whatever I wanted. Eh heh! [Coordinator: TMI, TBH.] HOWEVER, you can still tell when someone isn’t completely comfortable. Nerves. Shyness. Or just being unsure that it’s what they want. If you’re paying attention and concerned with this other person’s level of comfort, you can read these signs. You can sense the subtle hesitance, and in those moments it’s not the time to apply pressure; it’s the time to step back and ask, “Are you okay?”

That’s just my two cents. [Coordinator: Your sense adds up to dollars.]

*Yo, Siri, play Woman by NAO and Lianne La Havas*

[Coordinator: No Siri, play R.A.N. by Miguel. *smirk emoji*]