Dear Queenie,
Before we got married, while we were together and then engaged (for several more years) my husband cheated on me with several different women. After we got married he promised he had stopped, but I wasn’t sure I believed him and we went for counselling, but we have stopped that because the counsellor agreed with me that my husband thinks there is no problem.
Queenie, should I divorce him? But what if he is really being faithful?—Doubting Thomasina
Dear Doubting Thomasina,
If there are private detectives where you live, hire one who can get the facts for you. If there is no private detective available, find someone you know you can trust to do the sleuthing.
If you are wrong about your husband, get counselling to help you deal with your insecurity. If you are right, the counsellor (and possibly a lawyer) can help you decide what to do.
Dear Queenie,
For several years I have been taking care of a family’s children while the parents go to work, since the kids were babies. I always give the kids a gift on their birthdays and Christmas, and the mother when she has another baby, but it’s getting to be more than I can afford.
Queenie, will it be enough if I just congratulate them without a gift?—Not Santa Claus
Dear Not Santa,
It will be more than enough. Just send a nice “Congratulations” or “Happy Birthday” or “Merry Christmas” card, as appropriate for the occasion.
Dear Queenie,
My parents told me about sex and all that when I was going into my teens, and by that time I had heard about it from other children, but not all of what they had told me was right.
Queenie, how old should my children be when I tell them about all that?—Young mother
Dear Mother,
Teachers of young children advise that children be told the basics of sex education before they start elementary school. They suggest putting the emphasis on what is the smart thing to do rather than what is the right thing to do, leaving the question of right and wrong up to each child’s own parents.
Dear Queenie,
I need to have my teeth checked, but I’m afraid of going to a dentist.
Queenie, is there such a person as a dentist who really cares about how you feel?—Tooth Achy
Dear Tooth Achy,
Any dentist who hopes to be successful cares about how his (or her) patients feel. And these days there are many forms of painkiller that can make the procedure pretty much painless. When you make the appointment tell the person what you need, and if they cannot help you, ask to be referred to a dentist who can.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter-in-law invited me to a birthday party for my grandson and asked me to bring a casserole. I thought it was up to the hostess to provide the food.
Queenie, have the rules of etiquette changed?—Invitation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
There is always such a thing as a “potluck dinner”, but cake and ice cream should be sufficient for a birthday party. However, these days your daughter-in-law may be having trouble getting to the grocery store.
