Dear Queenie,
My parents got divorced when I was about 15. Now I’m almost 25 and I finished college with a Master’s degree and I have a good job and I’ve been together with my girlfriend since college and we plan to get married.
My problem is that my parents are against us getting married because they think it’s stupid because most people don’t get married these days, they just live together.
Queenie, I don’t want to go against my parents, but I do want to get officially married. How can I convince them it’s the right thing to do?—Son of divorced parents
Dear Son,
The fact is that more people who have graduated college are getting married these days than those who have only (or have not even) finished high school – and the college graduates’ marriages have a greater success rate than those with less education.
You may not be able to convince your parents to agree with what you want to do, but you are grown up and on your own and presumably mature enough to make your own decision on such an important matter.
I wish happiness for you and your fiancée.
Dear Queenie,
I belong to a group that does community service work. There is one member who works hard for the group but at every meeting they stand up and make speeches that go on and on, in a loud unpleasant voice, and even brag about all the work they do for the group.
They have been asked not to do this, because there have even been some members who have left because of them, but it still happens.
Queenie, what can we do about them?—Angry group member
Dear Member,
The group president – if there is one; otherwise, all the other group members – will have to tell this person that if they do not behave better at group meetings they will be barred from the meetings or even kicked out of the group. Then, if they do not start to behave better, make good on the threat.
No matter how good a worker this person is, you cannot afford to lose more members because of their behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
When I had a party recently one of the invited quests brought along her teenage niece without asking if it would be okay. I got annoyed and some of the other guests thought I was making too much of it, but it did cause a problem with place settings and how much food I had prepared.
Queenie, I think she should have apologized for not asking if it was okay to bring someone else without asking. Some of the other guests think I should have apologized for getting upset. Who is right?—Invitation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You are.
One should not bring an uninvited guest to any event. If you alone have been invited to any event, you should ask the host or hostess in advance if it is okay with them for you to bring another person with you.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been living together for a couple of years and all this time he has been cheating on me with more than one other women. No matter how much I cry and tell him how much it hurts me he still does it. He even spends money that we need to pay the bills on them.
Queenie, how can I believe he loves me when he hurts me so much?—Unhappy girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend does not love you. He probably likes you a lot, but he also likes all these other women too and he is not going to change just because it makes you cry.
It is time you thought about doing what is best for you – breaking up with this cheater and finding someone who can, and will, love you exclusively.
Dear Queenie,
My brother has a grown-up son about 25 years old who is still going to college and my brother is supporting him and paying his tuition. My nephew failed some of his courses so he took a break and moved back in with his parents but he doesn’t even have a part-time job to help support himself, and he is planning to go back to school as soon as he can and go on having his parents pay for it.
Queenie, when is it time for parents to make their offspring stand on their own 2 feet?—Disgusted aunt
Dear Aunt,
Someone in his mid-20s should be at least helping to support himself and his parents should be encouraging him to become independent. After all, what would he and they do if something should happen to end your nephew’s free ride?
However, this is a private matter between them, so all you can do is suggest to your brother – gently, politely! – that the best thing he can do for his son is teach him to be self-sufficient.
