Dear Queenie,
My son lives with his girlfriend in the US and the only way we can keep in touch these days is by phone, but he always puts me on speaker. I’ve never met his girlfriend and I don’t think she should be able to hear everything we talk about.
Queenie, is it okay for me to ask him not to use the speakerphone?—Annoyed mother
Dear Mother,
There are always some things that are best kept private. Of course you can ask your son not to use the speakerphone all the time, or at least not when you want to discuss private matters, although maybe just having her hear his side of the conversation might be more than you would wish. Perhaps you could arrange to talk to him, at least sometimes, when his girlfriend is not there.
Dear Queenie,
Since I got divorced my mother hates my ex-husband and tells everyone bad things about him. She even tells our children bad things about their father. And if someone asks her not to talk that way or tries to disagree with what she is saying she gets mad and stops talking to them entirely.
Queenie, she didn’t used to be that way. How can we get her to change back to how she used to be?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
Your mother may not be able to control the stress of your divorce, and she may have some physical condition that is adding to her stress. Try to get her to see her doctor for a check-up, and go with her so you can explain to the doctor what has been going on with her.
Dear Queenie,
I’m an alcoholic in Alcoholics Anonymous. A lot of my relatives are very judgmental about me being an alcoholic, but lots of them are very fat and even have heart trouble or other health problems because of it.
Queenie, why is it sinful to be addicted to alcohol but not sinful to be addicted to food?—Just asking
Dear Just asking,
An addiction is not being able to control your appetite for whatever you are addicted to – drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, sex, whatever. However, some of these things – food, for example, and sex if you want children – are a necessary part of life, which makes it impossible to give them up entirely and much harder to control by stopping when you have had enough. That is not an excuse for overdoing things, mind you, but an unhappy fact.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating this guy for several months now but when I was invited to my cousin’s wedding he was not included. I called and asked if I could bring him with me, but they said, “No,” because they did not know him and they would not have room for him.
Queenie, he is not just a casual boyfriend, we are in a real relationship and I would like my relatives to get to know him. If we were married they would have invited him.—Single wedding guest
Dear Wedding guest,
Wedding receptions are expensive and I am sure there were a lot of other people your relatives would have liked to invite but could not afford to do so. Surely there will be other, less formal and less expensive, family affairs where your relatives can meet your boyfriend. Meanwhile, it is up to you to decide whether you want to attend this wedding alone.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a middle-age woman who doesn’t like being hugged, especially by non-relatives, but I have one friend who always hugs everybody when she meets up with them. I’ve asked her not to, I even told her it hurts my back, but she still does it, even with all the COVID social distancing.
Queenie, how can I get her to stop?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Your friend seems rather self-involved and disinterested in other people’s feelings. When she comes toward you for a hug, put out your hand to stop her and remind her about COVID social distancing. It might also help if you have something heavy and/or sharp in your hand when you hold it out. And if she still tries to hug you, cry out in pain and tell her – loudly – that she is hurting you.
