Dear Queenie,
For a couple of years I’ve been dating a man a lot older than me. He says he’s in love with me, but I don’t feel that way about him. Now he’s trying to make plans for us to be together for the rest of our lives and I just don’t want to be that close with him.
Queenie, how do I tell him it’s time for him to find someone else?—Not that interested
Dear Not that interested,
Tell him you enjoy being friends with him but you have not fallen in love with him and it is not going to happen, and he deserves to find someone who feels the same way about him as he feels about her, so it is time for both of you to move on.
He probably will not like hearing all this and may not be willing to accept it at first, but it will be better for both of you in the long run if you make this decision and stick to it.
Dear Queenie,
My elderly neighbor sits on his patio naked where I can see him from my kitchen window. I guess he thinks no one can see him.
His wife died a couple of years ago and I don’t know him very well at all.
Queenie, could he be getting senile? Anyway, what can I do?—Seeing too much
Dear Seeing too much,
Your neighbour may be getting senile, or he may just think nobody can see him.
You could put an anonymous note in his mailbox, but if his patio is located where no one else could possibly see him, he would probably guess that it comes from you.
If you know any of his friends or relatives you could mention this to them and ask them to speak to him about it and to be sure to keep your name out of it.
Meanwhile, I suggest you put new curtains over your kitchen window and do not look out when you think he might be there.
Dear Queenie,
A few years ago my wife had too much to drink at a dinner party at a friend’s house and behaved very badly. It was not the first time this had happened and it was not the last.
My friends still invite me to their parties, but not my wife. They tell me to come alone or not come at all, so I go alone, because my friends mean a lot to me. My wife says it’s okay with her, but I don’t feel right about it.
Queenie, what to do?—Going alone
Dear Going alone,
The fact that your wife behaves so badly when she has been drinking is huge evidence that her drinking is a problem. Continue to go to these events without her, but encourage her to get help with her problem. Professional counselling might help her. So could Alcoholics Anonymous – see the Agenda on page 2 of this newspaper for their contact information.
Dear Queenie,
Some time ago my husband had an affair with a prominent woman in our community. The affair ended and we have worked to make our marriage better and are doing quite well.
However, now my husband has been invited to an event where he is going to receive an award from that same woman. It will be the first time I have ever met her.
Queenie, how will I manage it?—Confused
Dear Confused,
Keep calm, stay civil (and sober!), and have as little contact with her as possible.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine and I started a business together many years ago and his wife has been an employee in the business for a long time, ever since they got married, and she is important to the business running smoothly.
When I got married a few years ago my wife started working in the business too, but she does not get along well with my friend’s wife and sometimes things get tense, which has a bad effect on how smoothly the business runs.
Queenie, how can we put an end to this conflict?—Caught in the middle
Dear Caught,
Explain to your wife that, much as you love her, the business provides your (and her!) livelihood and if she cannot learn to get along with your friend’s wife, who is essential to the business, it would be best if she finds another job.
