Dear Queenie,
I see people using their phone in public in all kinds of situations where I was taught that doing that is bad manners.
Queenie, what are the rules now for using a phone in public?—Smart-phone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
The rules of etiquette have not changed, only the fact that now people can take their phones with them when they go out in public.
Taking a call when you are with someone else is still rude, unless it is an emergency, in which case ask to be excused, step away and do not talk too loudly.
If someone else answers a call or plays a game or uses an app while talking to you, tell them you can see they are busy and that you will see them some other time. If that does not get them to put the phone away and pay attention to you, just walk away. And if they ever complain about your doing so, tell them (again) why you did it.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for about a year, after we dated for about 6 months. Before we met he was going with another girl. She was always friends with his sister and still is, and since we got together the ex has been very nasty to me and his sister won’t, or can’t, do anything about it. This is causing my boyfriend to have a difficult relationship with his sister.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about all this?—Concerned girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
You will have to learn to ignore the situation. Whether the sister is doing this to aggravate you or just does not want to give up her friendship with this woman, their friendship is none of your business.
What is important is your boyfriend’s relationship with his sister. If you can manage to ignore her friendship with his ex, it will make things easier for him and he will be grateful.
Dear Queenie,
My parents think my sister is going to graduate school in another country, but I just found out she actually quit school after just one semester and is working at a fairly good job. I just wonder what our parents will say if they find out the truth.
Queenie, should I tell them?—Worried brother
Dear Brother,
This is your sister’s secret to keep and it is not up to you to tell your parents the truth. I suggest you try to convince her to tell them the truth before they find out for themselves. They surely will find out eventually and it would be better all around if your sister were honest with them before that time comes.
Dear Queenie,
I just came across a letter to you in which the Eldest Sister wanted to know who should get her mother’s cooking recipes. I was thinking of local publisher Lasana Sekou, the House of Nehesi.
Just a suggestion, Queenie.—R.S.
Dear R.S.,
And a good one, provided her mother would not have wanted the recipes kept within the family and would have been willing to have them made public.
Thank you, and sorry for the delay in my response.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been married for almost 50 years and my wife and I are friends with another couple who got married about the same time we did. We even celebrate our anniversaries together.
My wife told me recently that that other man tried to hit on her. Of course she turned him down, but she said he kept trying.
I faced him down and told him he disrespected my wife and his wife too. He didn’t deny what he did, but he didn’t say anything about not doing it again. I can’t blame him very much because of what his wife has gotten to be like, but for me our friendship is over. However, my wife is still friends with both of them.
Queenie, what do you say to all this?—Angry husband
Dear Husband,
No matter what his wife is like, a man has no right to “hit on” another woman, especially the wife of someone who is supposed to be his friend. However, considering how old he must be (married for almost 50 years), he could be starting to suffer from dementia, which can include changes in behaviour and personality. You might want to suggest to his wife that she take him to his doctor for a complete check-up – and she should be sure to mention his changes in behaviour.
As long as your wife has no “romantic” interest in him, I guess it is okay for her (and you, if you want to) to still be friends with his wife.
