Dear Queenie,
Our oldest daughter has graduated from college and has a job but still lives with us to save money.
Recently she started dating a guy and fell hard for him, so now she spends all her time with him and we hardly ever see her.
I think if she still lives at home she should spend some time with her family and at least come home to sleep.
Queenie, am I being old-fashioned?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Let your daughter know you miss her and would like to see her more often.
Also, invite the boyfriend to join you for meals and other activities so you can get to know him. After all, he may even become your son-in-law.
Dear Queenie,
When my cat got sick it spent a lot of time at the vet and I had a big bill to pay. A friend of mine was surprised when she heard how much and said I shouldn’t waste so much money on a cat. I was shocked at her hardheartedness and I am wondering if I should stay friends with her.
Queenie, should I forgive her?—Love my cat
Dear Cat-lover,
You are not expected to agree with everything your friends think and do.
If you think this means your friend is really a mean, nasty person you do not have to stay friends with her. But if it is simply a disagreement about how much to spend (or how much one can afford to spend) on a pet’s welfare, try to forgive her.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter is in primary school and she wants to get a dog for her birthday. She’s a good kid and doing well in school and we don’t want her to be disappointed, but my husband and I both work hard and we leave our home empty for a good part of the day and the dog would be unattended.
Queenie, we want our daughter to be happy, but we don’t want a dog! Do you have any suggestions?—Frustrated parents
Dear Parents,
Would your daughter be interested in having a cat for a pet? Cats require much less care than dogs, and can easily be left alone for a good part of the day. And if you adopt an adult cat there is much less “toilet-training” involved.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been together for 30 years and married for 25 and for all that time he has had an eye for other women and I am not sure he has not cheated on me. Now he has taken to watching porn on the Internet and I know that he [masturbates] while he watches, but if I ask if he wants to have sex he says, “No.”
Queenie, I feel like this is cheating but he doesn’t think so. What do you think?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
I think it is a form of betrayal, but your husband may not learn to understand this without professional help. Professional counselling might help him understand.
It might also help you decide what you are willing to put up with for the sake of your marriage, and how to do so.
Dear Queenie,
I’m going to be 14 in a couple of months and up to now I’ve always been happy and healthy, but lately I am just sad and lonesome. I used to be able to talk to my parents about everything but not this.
Queenie, how can I get some help?—Mixed up kid
Dear Kid,
I don’t know whether you are a boy or a girl, but either way it is natural for you to be having mixed-up feelings as your body changes and matures. Tell your parents, your family doctor, your favourite teacher or school counsellor about your feelings and they will give you some reassurance, or help you get professional counselling if they think you need it.
