Dear Queenie,
My cousin used to come here and stay with me for a week or two every summer. She wasn’t able to come for a while because of the pandemic, but now that she can travel again she is starting to talk about coming here and staying in “her” room as though she has rights to it.
Meanwhile, I want to have other visitors and the way she is talking, I’m not sure I want her to ever stay with me again.
Queenie, how do I make her understand?—Reluctant hostess
Dear Hostess,
You need to explain things to your cousin straight out. Do not be rude, but tell her in plain, simple words that you are planning to have other guests and cannot accommodate her this year, but maybe sometime again (which, who knows, could be a long time coming) – and repeat as necessary.
Dear Queenie,
I broke up with my boyfriend after we were together for a couple of years because I wasn’t treating him very well. I would get mad at him over small things and I would try to control everything he did. I knew this wasn’t right so I broke up with him. But now I miss him so much!
Queenie, would it be okay for me to try to get back together with him?—Lonely ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-girlfriend,
It would be okay to try. But first you should try to understand the reasons for your behaviour that made you break up with him in the first place and, if necessary, try to get some help for them.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter got married a couple of years ago. I met her husband’s family at the wedding and the families got along just fine.
Her husband’s mother had died some years ago and his father came alone. I also was alone, as my husband (my daughter’s father) also had died some years ago. We really like each other, but my son-in-law says we can’t get involved with each other as more than in-laws.
Queenie, is he right? Would it be wrong for us get together romantically?—In-law Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
There is nothing illegal or immoral about such a romance. However, be very careful. Think how complicated it would be, not only for you but for both of your children, if such a relationship were to not work out.
If you would be able to handle such an outcome without disruption for your children’s lives, I see no objection.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has a gambling problem and his marriage is in trouble, so he is trying to get help for it with Gamblers Anonymous.
I’ve known about it for a long time because I was with him a couple of times at a casino and saw him losing a lot more than he could afford and now I feel guilty that I never said anything.
Queenie, should I have said something? And if I did, would it have made any difference?—Silent friend
Dear Friend,
You could have talked to your friend about this, but the question is: would he have paid any attention to what you said? People with that kind of problem often do not even admit to it, let alone try to do anything about it, until circumstances force them to do so.
Feeling guilty about your silence will not help him; neither would any apologies you could give him. The best thing you can do now is try to support his efforts to overcome this addiction and when you are with him make sure he is not betting on anything; for example, at sporting events or buying Lotto tickets. But mostly it is up to him.
Dear Queenie,
My little brother tags along wherever I go and copies everything I do. If I play a game so does he, if I watch a certain TV show he does too.
Queenie, my mother says I should take it as a compliment, but I just get tired of it all. What can I do about it?—Fed-up big brother
Dear Big Brother,
Talk to your parents about this. Your mother is right that you should take it as a compliment, but your parents can – and should – encourage your little brother to develop his own interests and skills. They can also help you find and become involved in activities that would not include him, such as sports or scouting or a volunteer group.
