Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her husband fight all the time – nothing physical, but lots of arguing and yelling at each other and calling each other names and telling each other how stupid each one thinks the other one is and all like that, and all of it in front of their children.
The kids are great and they are all doing well in school, but the way things are at home can’t be good for them.
Queenie, how can we help their parents do better? They went for counselling but it didn’t seem to do any good so they stopped. What else can we do?—Worried grandparents
Dear Grandparents,
Try to persuade your daughter and her husband to go back to counselling, for the children’s sake. If the first counsellor did not help them, they should try someone else – or perhaps they need to take the counsellor’s advice more seriously.
Meanwhile, try to spend as much time as possible with your grandchildren to give them some sense of stability – both you and your spouse, if you are married, so the children have a chance to see how two adults can live together harmoniously.
Dear Queenie,
My sister got married without a big ceremony because of the pandemic. Now she wants to make a party to celebrate her marriage and she is planning it for the same day as my wedding anniversary. The problem is I am planning to have a party on that day to celebrate my anniversary.
Queenie, what should I say to her?—Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
Would it be possible to combine the two events? That way, you will not miss your sister’s party and none of the mutual invitees will have to decide which event to attend.
If that is not possible, talk it over with your sister and see if one of you can change the date of their party.
Dear Queenie,
I have stopped inviting my sister to visit me because she brings her children with her and just lets them run wild. Now she is mad at me for not seeing her more often.
Queenie, should I tell her why?—Fed-up aunt
Dear Aunt,
Yes, you should tell her – as gently and diplomatically as possible.
Perhaps you can arrange to have someone there to look after the children when she visits you, or arrange to see her in some place where she cannot bring the children.
Dear Queenie,
My brother has 2 children. One is a teenager about the same age as my child and the other is in kindergarten. Sometimes I babysit for the little one but I don’t include that one in activities with my own child when I do include the teenager, because it is so hard to look after the little one.
Queenie, am I being unfair to the little one?—Their aunt
Dear Aunt,
Many activities for teenagers are not appropriate for kindergarteners. Include the little one when it is appropriate and you can manage the additional effort, and do not worry about the rest.
After all, you look after the little one when you babysit, but I doubt you spend any time babysitting the teenager.
Dear Queenie,
We have a fruit tree in our yard and some time ago I told our cleaning lady that she could take some of the ripe fruit. When I looked out I saw her taking a whole bag-full. The next time she was here she took more.
Queenie, my husband says she has been stealing from us. What do you say?—Concerned employer
Dear Concerned,
I say this seems to be a (possibly deliberate) misunderstanding. Each time the cleaning lady comes to your house, tell her whether or not she may take any fruit, and if so, exactly how many she may take. And then watch to see whether she abides by your instructions. If she does not, you will have to tell her explicitly not to take any more fruit.
