Dear Queenie,
My husband thinks it’s okay to send someone a text message any time, day or night, because they don’t have to read it until they want to.
I think you shouldn’t send a text any time you wouldn’t make a phone call to the person, because their phone will sound off for the text same as for a phone call and if you don’t need an answer right away you should send an email.
Queenie, who is right?—Texting Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Some people turn off their cell phones when they do not want to be disturbed, but not everyone does that. If you think a text message might disturb the recipient – and the subject is not urgent – yes, wait until later or, as you said, send an email.
Dear Queenie,
My grownup son thinks his father and I are trying to control him because we complain if he doesn’t answer our calls for days on end and doesn’t tell us when he is going away for a while on business or a vacation.
We think he should tell us when he is going away, and let us know when he gets there that he arrived safely.
Queenie, are we asking too much?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Some people are uncomfortable with phone calls because they just have problems carrying on a conversation with someone they cannot see. Perhaps your son would be more comfortable with keeping in contact by email and/or text messaging. I hope you are already familiar with these types of communication. If not, I advise you to learn quickly before making such demands on your son.
Dear Queenie,
My older brother and I have never gotten along well and I have tried to avoid him ever since we grew up and were not living in the same house, but now he is married and they have a new baby girl and I just love my niece.
Queenie, I wish I could get along better with my brother so I could enjoy visiting with them and seeing my niece. What can I do?—Unhappy aunt
Dear Aunt,
Try to ignore your brother’s behaviour when you visit them, and try to visit his wife and baby when he is not there. You can also ask his wife, your sister-in-law, to help make your visits more pleasant. And I am sure they both would love it if you offer to babysit now and then when they want to go out.
Dear Queenie,
My ex-husband got married and now he has four stepchildren with his new wife. When he came to visit the son he had with me when we were married I saw that he got all his stepchildren’s names tattooed on his arm, but our son’s name isn’t there.
Queenie, is this right? His stepchildren but not his own biological son?—Angry mother
Dear Mother,
No, it is not right, but his new wife’s influence may have had something to do with the omission.
Talk to him about it. Perhaps you can convince him to add your son’s name to his tattoos, perhaps on another – equally visible – part of his body.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend got married about a year ago and whenever he has a problem with his wife he calls me to tell me all about it. He goes on and on about it and tells me things that I think should be private between the two of them and maybe a marriage counsellor. I don’t think he should be telling so much, but he just goes right on talking.
Queenie, how can I get him to stop all this?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Tell your friend that he should not be telling you so many things that should be private between him and his wife, that you do not want to hear about them, and that if there are so many problems he – and his wife – should be talking instead to a professional marriage counsellor. And repeat as necessary.
