Dear Queenie,
My husband drinks a lot every day. When I say anything to him about it he says I shouldn’t worry about it because he drinks at home, not at a bar, and doesn’t drive when he has been drinking. I also worry about his health because he never goes to see a doctor or a dentist.
Queenie, how can I get him to drink less and see a doctor more?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband may avoid getting a medical check-up because he is afraid the doctor will tell him that to protect his health he has to stop drinking, or at least drink a lot less.
If you cannot get him to change the way he behaves, at least make sure you, and your children if you have any, are protected. Make sure that he has a legal will and that all his legal affairs are in order.
And for support, you can contact Al-Anon. If there is not a local group, go online to
al-anon.alateen.org.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine set me up on a date with an older man, much older than me, who kept ogling other women, even some young girls, and he said some very sexy things to some of them. I said he shouldn’t be doing such things, especially when he was with me, and he said all men do it and he does it all the time.
Another friend of mine said he is a sexual predator and maybe even a sex addict. Whatever, I haven’t gone out with him again, but I keep wondering about him.
Queenie, is there something I should do about all this?—Concerned citizen
Dear Citizen,
If this man’s behaviour started fairly recently and keeps getting worse, it could be an early sign of dementia and someone – a family member or a close friend – should make sure he gets a medical check-up and that the doctor knows about his behaviour. However, if he has always been like this, and if the young girls you mentioned were legally underage, his behaviour should be reported to the authorities.
Dear Queenie,
I have been divorced for several years and I am living in the same house as when we were married. My ex-husband moved out when the divorce became final, but he still gets his mail here and comes into the house and goes through cabinets and the fridge. He says he comes to see our children, who are in my custody, but what he mostly does is watch TV.
Queenie, how can I stop him from doing this?—Fed-up ex-wife
Dear Ex-wife,
Tell your ex-husband to give the Post Office his new address and when his mail comes to your house, mark it “not at this address” and return it to the Post Office.
Also tell your ex – and your children – that you do not want him in your house when you are not there and, if he does not abide by your wishes, change the locks. If necessary, sell your house (if you own it) and find a new place to live.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter often stays out very late on dates or get-togethers with friends. I have tried to make a rule that she is home by a certain time, but sometimes I fall asleep before that time and then I don’t know whether she got home in good time.
Queenie, can you help me?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Set an alarm clock for the time your daughter is supposed to get home and turn it off when she comes home (do not use an electric clock for this, in case the electricity goes off).
If you fall asleep and the alarm clock goes off, it will wake you up and you will know that your daughter has missed her curfew. On the other hand, if she gets home before the alarm clock goes off she can turn it off and let you sleep, and when you wake up you will know that she came home in good time.
Dear Queenie,
My son is divorced and his ex-wife was living with the boyfriend she cheated with when she was married, which caused the divorce, when his daughter, who was living with her mother, told him the boyfriend had molested her. My son called the police and they arrested the boyfriend and he got sent to prison.
The ex-wife stayed in touch with her boyfriend while he was in prison and when he got out she married him. She doesn’t believe he ever molested her daughter.
My son now has custody of their daughter and she has no contact with her mother anymore.
Queenie, should we let her see her mother?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
If your granddaughter has no contact with her mother because her father will not permit it, yes, you should let her see her mother – but not her stepfather, the man who molested her! However, if the lack of contact is because her mother does not even try to see her daughter, do not even try to do anything about it.
