Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t have a regular job and when he goes out he stays out late or never comes home ’til morning. He complains that we don’t have enough money, but when he gets a paycheck he spends it all on booze and women. I have a part-time job but I don’t make enough to pay for all our expenses.
Queenie, how can I get my husband to do better?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
You can’t make someone change just because you want to and they need to. It takes outside intervention – professional counselling at least, if not something more drastic like having your home foreclosed because you did not keep up the mortgage payments or getting evicted from a rented home, and even then professional counselling will be needed to help get things back on track.
If you cannot get your husband to go with you for counselling, go by yourself to learn how to deal with his shortcomings – or whether you even want to stay with him.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has a teenage daughter and whenever we go anywhere together she sits in the front seat of the car and I have to sit in the back.
Queenie, I think I should be the one sitting in front. What do you think?—Offended
Dear Offended,
I think you and the daughter should at least take turns and it should be up to the girl’s father to arrange it. But if you make an issue of this, you may not be going anywhere with them.
Dear Queenie,
My husband uses a lot of dirty language – swear words and foul ones – in every conversation. It’s not when he’s angry or anything, it’s just his normal way of speaking.
Now we have a baby boy and I’m afraid he will learn to talk the same way. I have asked my husband over and over to cut down on the foul talk, but he hasn’t done anything about it.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Offended wife
Dear Wife,
This is a real problem. People who talk that way have poor language skills and habits, and teaching them to do better is very difficult.
When your son starts talking and uses a foul word (which he will not even know what it means) you will have to explain to him that even though Daddy talks that way, he is not allowed to say that word.
And I wish you good luck with the language lessons.
Dear Queenie,
I always remember my niece and nephew on their birthday and Christmas by sending them a card with a check enclosed, but they never bother to thank me for the gift. I wouldn’t know if they had received it if I didn’t see on my bank statement that they had cashed the check.
I don’t expect them to send me a written thank you note, but an email or a phone call or text message would nice.
Queenie, am I asking too much?—Disappointed aunt
Dear Aunt,
No, you are not asking too much. The children’s parents are not teaching them basic good manners – the magic words “please” and “thank you”.
If this happened to me, I would continue sending the cards, but skip the check – and explain why to the parents, if necessary.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been having some problems that I took the advice you always give and went to get some professional counselling for, but I heard my husband laughing about the problems and the fact that I need counselling and now I’m afraid to continue with it.
Queenie, what should I do?—Troubled wife
Dear Wife,
People often laugh about things they do not understand. However, are you sure that is what your husband was laughing at?
Ask him to go with you for one of your counselling sessions and ask the counsellor to explain to him just how serious your problems are, and why.
