Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend smokes pot. After we had been dating for a while and started getting serious I asked him to stop and he said he would, but it’s been a couple of years and he is still doing it. I keep asking him to stop and he keeps saying he will, but he doesn’t and it looks like he never will.
Queenie, should I keep waiting and hoping or give up on him and find someone else?—Fed-up girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
If your boyfriend really intended to stop smoking pot he would have done so, or at least tried, by now. It is time to stop waiting and hoping for him to change, and to start thinking about what you want to do next.
It is possible that if you break up with him he will be shocked into trying to break this addictive habit, but do not even think about getting back together with him unless/until you are convinced that he has succeeded, and maybe not even then unless you are absolutely certain that he will not start it up again.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been divorced for a long time and the children’s father moved away a long time ago. When I was having some problems with my teenage son “Joe” his godfather “Ben” helped out and we ended up getting into a committed relationship.
My other children are okay with this, but Joe is mad at me because he thinks I stole his godfather. I have tried to explain that Ben is still there for him as a stepfather as well as a godfather, but Joe just won’t listen to me.
Queenie, Ben wants what’s best for me and the kids. What should we do?— Ben’s mother
Dear Mother,
Your teenage son is acting more like he is still a small child. He needs to learn how to deal with a slightly changed relationship with Ben and a greatly changed relationship between you and Ben.
As usual, I suggest that professional counselling might help all of you deal with the changes in your lives.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has a teenage daughter and whenever we go anywhere together she sits in the front seat of the car and I have to sit in the back.
Queenie, I think I should be the one sitting in front. What do you think?—Offended
Dear Offended,
I think you and the daughter should at least take turns and it should be up to the girl’s father to arrange it. But if you make an issue of this, you may not be going anywhere with them.
Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t have a regular job and when he goes out he stays out late or never comes home ’til morning. He complains that we don’t have enough money, but when he gets a paycheck he spends it all on booze and women. I have a part-time job but I don’t make enough to pay for all our expenses.
Queenie, how can I get my husband to do better?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
You can’t make someone change just because you want to and they need to. It takes outside intervention – professional counselling at least, if not something more drastic like having your home foreclosed because you did not keep up the mortgage payments or getting evicted from a rented home, and even then professional counselling will be needed to help get things back on track.
If you cannot get your husband to go with you for counselling, go by yourself to learn how to deal with his shortcomings – or whether you even want to stay with him.
Dear Queenie,
I always remember my niece and nephew on their birthday and Christmas by sending them a card with a check enclosed, but they never bother to thank me for the gift. I wouldn’t know if they had received it if I didn’t see on my bank statement that they had cashed the check.
I don’t expect them to send me a written thank you note, but an email or a phone call or text message would nice.
Queenie, am I asking too much?—Disappointed aunt
Dear Aunt,
No, you are not asking too much. The children’s parents are not teaching them basic good manners – the magic words “please” and “thank you”.
If this happened to me, I would continue sending the cards, but skip the check – and explain why to the parents, if necessary.
