Dear Queenie,
My younger sister and I were abused when we were small and now she gets mad over the littlest things. I had some problems too because of the abuse and I saw a counsellor who helped me learn to deal with them.
Queenie, my sister has two little kids and I’m afraid of how her behaviour will affect them. Would it be rude of me to suggest that she talk to someone like I did (a professional counsellor) about her problems?—Worried sister
Dear Sister,
No, it would be a caring thing to do, but your sister may not take it well if she is not ready to admit that she has a problem and needs help. All you can do is hope that someday she will be ready to accept your advice.
Dear Queenie,
The other day when I was having a meal at a restaurant I was seated in such a way that I had a clear view of a young woman who was wearing skimpy jeans that were so low that I could see part of her “butt crack”. It really bothered me and I couldn’t enjoy my meal the way I would have liked, and I couldn’t move because there weren’t any other tables available.
Queenie, should I have said something? To whom, the girl or the restaurant manager?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
No, I do not think you should have said anything to anyone. Doing so would just have caused a disturbance for everyone involved. If possible, you should just have moved your chair to change your view, or if not, forced yourself to look in another direction and concentrate on your meal.
Dear Queenie,
My husband thinks it’s okay to send someone a text message any time, day or night, because they don’t have to read it until they want to.
I think you shouldn’t send a text any time you wouldn’t make a phone call to the person, because their phone will sound off for the text same as for a phone call and if you don’t need an answer right away you should send an email.
Queenie, who is right?—Texting Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Some people turn off their cell phones when they do not want to be disturbed, but not everyone does that. If you think a text message might disturb the recipient – and the subject is not urgent – yes, wait until later or, as you said, send an email.
Dear Queenie,
How do you get people to talk about something else besides their physical and medical problems? I don’t talk about mine except to my doctor and I don’t want to hear about anyone else’s.
Queenie, how do you get them to talk about something else?—Conversation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
When you have heard all you want to, say something like “I’m sorry to hear that” and change the subject to something you find more interesting. Then it will be their problem if they are not interested in what you are saying.
Dear Queenie,
My grownup son thinks his father and I are trying to control him because we complain if he doesn’t answer our calls for days on end and doesn’t tell us when he is going away for a while on business or a vacation.
We think he should tell us when he is going away, and let us know when he gets there that he arrived safely.
Queenie, are we asking too much?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Some people are uncomfortable with phone calls because they just have problems carrying on a conversation with someone they cannot see. Perhaps your son would be more comfortable with keeping in contact by email and/or text messaging. I hope you are already familiar with these types of communication. If not, I advise you to learn quickly before making such demands on your son.
