Dear Queenie,
A long time ago a man raped me. I told my sister about it but not anyone else. Years later I saw that man at a social event of my sister and I told her he was the one who had raped me. She said he was her husband’s business contact and he seemed normal to her. After that I saw him at my sister’s house again, but then he moved away.
However, recently he came back and my sister and her family continue to socialize with him.
Queenie, how can I handle this?—Offended rape victim
Dear Offended,
Limit contact with your sister to occasions when and where you know this man will not be present. And professional counselling could still help you, even after all this time.
Dear Queenie,
My wife always has her cell phone with her and uses it everywhere, even when she goes to the bathroom and I can hear everything she is doing.
Queenie, what do you think about this? Should I say something to her about it?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
Yes, tell her what you think about it. And if she is in the bathroom when you are talking to her on the phone and you hear something that offends you, hang up. Later, when (if) she asks you why you did that, explain it to her.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been divorced for a long time and my ex-wife has gotten married again. We have a teenage son who lives with his mother and her new husband.
When it’s time to get his mother a gift, like her birthday or Christmas, my son comes to me for help choosing and paying for it. I want him to get her a gift and be happy about it, but I don’t think I should be involved.
Queenie, what do you think?—Ex-husband
Dear Ex-husband,
I think your son, as a teenager, probably gets an allowance or gets paid for doing chores around the house. He should be able to ask his stepfather for help choosing a gift for his mother, the man’s wife, and to ask whoever pays his allowance for financial help.
Dear Queenie,
I’m 16 and most of my friends have boyfriends and most of them go very far with their boyfriends, if you know what I mean, but I don’t feel ready for anything like that, so I don’t have a boyfriend because I can’t find one who doesn’t want to go too far.
Queenie, I don’t want to talk to my mother about this. What can you tell me?—Teenage girl
Dear Teenager,
It’s too bad you cannot talk to your mother about this, because she probably could be very helpful.
When a boy asks you to do something you do not want to do, you can always say “No” loud and clear and walk away if he does not stop whatever he is doing. You will quickly get a reputation for having that kind of attitude and probably (hopefully!) will not attract the kind of boy who would make you say “No”.
Dear Queenie,
We went away to university when we were younger. Some of our friends from those days recently came to live near us. They still want to be friends, but we don’t, but we don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Queenie, what can we do?—All Grown Up Now
Dear Grown Up,
These people may have assumed they could renew their friendship with you when they moved nearby, and will keep it up until they find other, new friends.
Keep in limited contact with them, introduce them to as many other acquaintances as you can, and put them in contact with local social groups that share their interests. As they settle in and become acquainted they will depend less on you for social contact.
