Dear Queenie,
My husband is being promoted to a job on another island and we will be moving there in a couple of months. My parents and grandparents are upset because they keep saying how much they will miss me and he should not take me away from them.
Queenie, how can I make this move without hurting people I love?—Married daughter
Dear Daughter,
This kind of separation is a normal part of growing up. Assure your parents and grandparents that you will keep in touch with them and visit them as often as you can, and suggest that they also will be able to come to visit you in your new home.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and I are both in our 30s. I have a good job and make good money, enough to live well and build up a savings account, but he isn’t doing so well (he earns enough to live on, but doesn’t have enough for any special treats) and keeps asking to borrow money that he never pays back.
Queenie, I’m sick of helping him out, but how do I make it stop?—Fed-up Brother
Dear Brother,
Just say “no.” You do not have to give him any excuses or explanations, just say “no” (as politely and pleasantly as you can manage) and stick to it, and make it clear that there will be no more handouts. But it would be good if you can help him find a way of increasing his income.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a girl I like a lot, and she says she likes me, but it is a problem for her that I look so much like her father.
Queenie, what should I do about this?—Mirror image
Dear Mirror image,
Is the resemblance physical, or is it more a matter of personality? Either way, people are often attracted to others who remind them of their parents, and if they have a good relationship with their parents this is not a bad thing.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are divorced and my mother and I live with her new boyfriend. I don’t like him because he drinks a lot and he gets mean. He’s nice enough when he’s sober, but not when he’s been drinking.
Queenie, should I ask to go live with my dad? What if my mother gets upset?—Unhappy child
Dear Unhappy child,
If your father is willing to have you live with him, go ahead and ask. Your mother’s first concern should be your welfare.
Dear Queenie,
One time when some relatives visited us their daughter, age 10, had a tantrum and threatened to slap our daughter, age 3, because our daughter kept coming over to her and trying to play with her.
I kept my daughter away from her after that, but the other girl’s parents never did anything about the situation.
Recently I invited them to visit us again, but asked them to watch their daughter and keep her away from ours, and they got vexed.
Queenie, were we wrong?—Offended parents
Dear Parents,
No, you were not wrong. But when you have guests you should keep a close eye on your little daughter and use the opportunity to teach her how to behave – and how not to behave! – among strangers.
