Dear Queenie,

My husband’s mother still treats him like a child. When she visits us she checks his laundry and looks to see what food we have in stock and what I am fixing for dinner. She even makes doctor and dentist appointments for him and even goes with him to them.

Queenie, how do I get her to butt out and let him be a man?—Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

You do not. That job is up to him.

Have you talked to him about this and told him how much it bothers you? He may be so used to her attention that he just takes it for granted, or he may not be willing to make the effort to detach himself from her apron strings.

Perhaps if he is forced to choose between the two women in his life he will grow some backbone. And if he does not, you have to choose between putting up with Mommy and ditching both of them.

Dear Queenie,

My fiancée and I are planning to get married, but we can’t afford a big wedding right now so we’re planning to just go to the census office for a small ceremony and later on when we’ve saved up enough we’ll have a big church wedding and invite all our relatives and friends.

But Queenie, how do we explain it to all of our potential guests?—Groom-to-be

Dear Groom-to-be,

Explain it to them the way you have explained it to me. Or you could have a quiet civil ceremony now, and when you have saved up enough, celebrate your first (or second or third or fifth) anniversary with a formal renewal of vows and the kind of blowout you cannot afford right now.

The ones who really care about you should understand. The ones who do not understand, well, you will know what to think about them.

Dear Queenie,

Whenever I go the States to visit my family I also try to make time to see my old friends too, but one of them always makes a fuss because I don’t spend more time visiting with her and now she’s mad at me and won’t even keep in touch by e-mail.

I have a big family and there just isn’t enough time to spend a lot of time with all of them, even if someone arranges a big family get-together, let alone much time left over for the others.

Queenie, how do I make her understand?—Hurt feelings

Dear Hurt feelings,

Your friend seems rather self-centred and childish, and I doubt you can make her understand that family comes first, because she just does not want to. Try not to let her attitude get to you.

Dear Queenie,

I am divorced with 2 children and my ex isn’t very good about paying the child support, so I’ve been having a hard time and my parents have been helping out a lot.

The problem is my sister is vexed about the money they’ve been giving me. She and her husband don’t have any kids and they both have good jobs and live quite well.

Our parents have explained to her that it’s just a matter of need and to be sure their grandchildren are okay, but she still thinks they’re playing favorites.

Queenie, I don’t want to be the cause of a falling-out in the family. What more can I do?—Struggling to make ends meet

Dear Struggling,

To your sister it is not so much a matter of the money but, as you said, that it seems like your parents are playing favourites. Does she really understand your financial difficulties?

Perhaps your parents should reassure her that they will help her out also if she ever needs it, or if they can afford it your parents could also give her some money, even if she does not really need it. Or they could leave her a larger portion in their will. Whatever the final arrangement, you and your parents should try to explain things to your sister.