Dear Queenie,
My mother and father weren’t married when I was born and he went abroad while she was pregnant. When I was still little she went to live with him abroad and left me with her sister.
Now I’m in high school and they are moving back to the island and are expecting me to come live with them. I don’t know them at all and it’s my aunt who has always been there for me like my mother should have been.
Queenie, do I have to leave her and go live with people who are strangers to me?—Left behind
Dear Left behind,
You might consider giving your birth parents a chance and getting to know them. As long as you will still be living on the island you can easily stay in close touch with your aunt and she will be able to help you get through the rough patches.
Look at it this way: In just a few years you may be leaving the island to further your education (I hope you plan to go on to university!) and will be living not only among strangers, but in a strange place. Think of this as a sort of practice period for that transition.
Dear Queenie,
When I went on vacation my brother came in to feed my pets and clean up after them.
When I came home I noticed that someone had gone through my closets and dresser drawers and kitchen cabinets and a lot of stuff was missing. There was no sign of anyone breaking in and when I asked him if anyone else had been in the house with him he said “no.”
Queenie, what do you think and what should I do?—Robbed
Dear Robbed,
It is possible that your brother inadvertently left the house unlocked and someone entered without his knowing it or that someone broke in and he did not realise what had happened.
Do not accuse your brother of anything, just notify the police immediately, tell your brother that you have done so because things had gone missing and ask him to give them his full cooperation.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years and raised 3 children. Then I came home the other day and the house was empty, his things were gone and while I was trying to figure things out I got a phone call from him and he said, As you can see, I have left you,” and hung up on me. No reason why, He’s just gone.
Queenie, what can I do to get him back?—Abandoned wife
Dear Abandoned,
I am not sure there is anything you can do that will bring your husband back to you. Obviously he was unhappy and equally obviously he did not have the intestinal fortitude (read “guts”) to tell you face to face. A trial separation may convince him to return, but do not count on that.
Counselling will help you deal with the situation and, if you can persuade your husband to go with you, may help resolve at least some of the issues that made him leave – but, again, do not count on the latter. Be prepared to learn how live without him.
Dear Queenie,
We are five adult children of a mother who is turning 60 and about to retire. We are planning to go in together on a super birthday gift for her but we cannot agree on how to share the cost.
Some of us are married and some are not. Does each adult pay the same amount, or only her own children, couples being considered as one person?
Queenie, what do you think is fair?—
Dear Confused,
There is no hard-and-fast rule about such things. However, in my opinion, the cost should be split according to income: if everyone earns about the same amount, each child pays an equal share, with spouses chipping in as they see fit. On the other hand, if some of you earn a lot more than others, why not split the cost according to what each of you can afford?
Try holding a family meeting to discuss the subject and see if you cannot agree on what is fair.
Dear Queenie,
My aunt told me that my parents only got married because she got pregnant with me. Then they got divorced after my sister was born and I hardly ever see my father. I guess he paid child support but he never visited us or had us visit him.
Queenie, what do you say to someone who just doesn’t want you even though you are his natural child?—Abandoned son
Dear Abandoned son,
If you have the chance, you ask him why he abandoned you.
You may find out that your parents’ divorce had nothing to do with you and your sister, no matter what your aunt has told you, and that your father’s absence from your life was not because he did not love you, but because your mother kept him away for some reason – in which case you ask her why.
