Dear Queenie,
My husband is very sweet about helping around the house, like doing dishes, but he does a lousy job of it – he washes them by hand instead of in the dishwasher, doesn’t use soap and hot water and just doesn’t get the dishes clean, so I end up having to wash them over again.
Queenie, I don’t want to insult him. Should I just give up and tell him to let me do the dishes or should I show him how dirty they still are and ask him to do better?—Not-so-spoiled wife
Dear Wife,
Could it be that your husband’s eyesight is not so good and he just cannot see what a poor job he is doing? Or would he notice it if you served him a meal on dishes he alone had washed?
If he cannot see the left-on food, etc., point it out to him. Also you should insist that he at least use hot water and detergent or better yet the dishwasher – not doing so is incredibly unsanitary. If he refuses to cooperate, take over the dishwashing yourself and ask him to do some other chore for you – like drying the dishes, or unloading the dishwasher, and putting the things away.
Dear Queenie,
My parents just love my boyfriend. What bothers me is that they seem to love him more than me. Whenever I have some small problem with him and I ask for their advice, or just want a shoulder to cry on, they end up defending him.
Queenie, is something wrong here or am I just being too sensitive?—Feeling slighted
Dear Slighted,
This is just the opposite of the usual problem I am asked about.
I suspect that your parents are so happy you have found someone they like and approve of that they tend to overreact when you have a problem with him. Try to cut them some slack.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her fiancé live in St. Maarten and are planning to get married there. We will pay for the wedding and would like to have it here where we live (not St. Maarten) so all our family can attend, but they want it in St. Maarten.
Queenie, what do you think would be best?—Mother of the bride
Dear Mother,
If your daughter and her new husband will be visiting or returning to your home by or before their first anniversary, let them have a small wedding now and plan a big reception where you live when they are there – if it is on or about their first anniversary, it can be an anniversary party rather than a wedding reception.
However, if that will not be the case, let them plan a big wedding in St. Maarten. It is a beautiful place for such festivities and many people will be delighted to attend a destination wedding. Those who do not attend can meet your new son-in-law at a less formal affair at your home sometime later.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now, but I have a friend that each time we get together along with him it’s like he forgets I’m there. He calls her “babes,” “baby” and all kind of things, but me he calls me by my first name when we are around her.
Queenie, is that bad or am I just exaggerating?—Stressed
Dear Stressed,
Do you suspect that there is something going on between them? If that were the case I think he would be more careful in your presence.
Possibly he just cannot manage to remember your friend’s name, in which case you should be flattered (I suppose) that he manages to remember yours.
Dear Queenie,
I just found out that the guy I’ve been dating has some other woman living with him.
Queenie, why would he start seeing me if he already is living with someone else?—Confused
Dear Confused,
It could be that he is an habitual cheat.
However, it could be that the woman he is living with is not a girlfriend (or wife), but a relative or even just a roommate with whom he shares expenses.
Ask your boyfriend to introduce you to her, get to know her. You will know by her behaviour – and his – what to think about their relationship.
