Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend and I have been going together for several years. He gets along just fine with my children, but I am not included in anything he does with his kids and when his kids want to visit when we have plans for something else, our plans get cancelled.

Queenie, will this ever change?—Left out

Dear Left out,

It could be that your boyfriend’s children do not like the fact that he is dating someone else than their mother and/or he could be waiting until they are older for them to get to know you.

However, after “several years” it is high time his children got acquainted with you and got used to the fact that you are part of their father’s life. Talk to him about this. You will know from what he says and how he reacts whether your relationship with him will last and on what terms.

Dear Readers,

I noted with interest Mr. Russell Simmons’ letter to the editor of this newspaper on Monday, October 3, reacting to one of my recent columns.

His main point seemed to be that women would command more respect if they did not dress provocatively. He compared the way women dress in public to the way men dress. However, he failed to take into account the difference between the way men and women react to members of the opposite sex.

It seems to be built into the human psyche that men notice women first for their physical (sexual) characteristics, sexually attractive or unattractive, and are more inclined to want to become acquainted with women they find sexually attractive. Only after making that initial contact do they take notice of a woman’s inner qualities such as what Mr. Simmons described as “brains” and “grace.”

On the other hand, while some women may possibly find a provocatively-dressed man sexually attractive, most women are more inclined to actually want to become acquainted with men who present a more respectable (responsible) appearance.

I am not saying this is right or wrong, just that seems it to be how things are. Perhaps if men behaved differently towards women, women would behave more like Mr. Simmons wants them to.

And, just for the record, I thank Mr. Simmons for his interest in my column.

Dear Queenie,

I’m getting married later this year and something has come up in planning my wedding that I can’t decide. My mother and father got divorced when I was very young after that I didn’t see much of him. After my mother got married again it was my stepfather who mostly raised me.

Now I would prefer to have my stepfather walk me down the aisle, but what will people think?

Queenie, what do you advise?—Bride-to-be

Dear Bride-to-be,

Talk this question over with both men. It could be your biological father will not be interested in walking you down the aisle, but if he is, a compromise might be to have him walk you halfway and your stepfather walk you the rest of the way.

Dear Queenie,

My wife died recently and I am still in mourning.

Queenie, I am dealing with my grief, but how do I deal with friends and family who try to fix me up with a date or women who try to flirt with me? I know the time will come when I’m ready for all this, but not yet.—Eligible widower

Dear Widower,

Tell them what you told me – that you are not ready yet for all that.

And when the time comes that you are ready, be sure to let the “fixer-uppers” know.