Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has no problem having men ask her for first dates but they never seem to want to see her again.
She keeps asking me what is wrong with men, but the problem is really with her, but she won’t listen when I try to make her some suggestions, like not talking so much and listening when they have something to say.
According to her it’s always the guy’s fault and never anything to do with her.
Queenie, how can I make her understand?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
As the saying goes, “There are none so blind (or deaf) as those who will not see (or hear).” Your friend is not really open to advice, she just wants you to agree and sympathise with her. You can keep trying, for all the good it probably will (not) do.
Does she read my column? Maybe if she sees this one she will get the message (but do not hold your breath waiting for that to happen).
Dear Queenie,
There is a boy in my class who is always saying insulting things about my family. He calls them “stupid” and “losers” and other mean things. I have told him not to say such things to me but he still does it.
Queenie, he makes me so mad. How can I get him to stop?—Offended
Dear Offended,
This boy is a bully, but there is not much you can do except ignore him and not let him know how much he is bothering you. Hopefully, if you do not react to his bullying he will quit and look for another victim.
However, you also might want to speak to your teacher and/or school counsellor about his behaviour. Someone in authority should make him understand how unacceptable his behaviour is.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 20s, graduated college and am working in a job that will give me advancement in my chosen career, but my family keeps asking me why I don’t date and if I don’t date how can I ever expect to find someone and get married and start a family.
Queenie, I’m quite happy being single. How can I get my family to understand that I’m not interested in marriage or having children?—Happy by myself
Dear Happy,
Just keep telling them what you have told me.
But you should consider carefully your reasons for feeling this way, and the possibility that your feelings may change as you get older and when that happens it may be too late to change your lifestyle, especially, if you are a woman, where it concerns having children.
If you need help sorting these things out, professional counselling probably would help.
Dear Queenie,
My mother has been a widow for several years and she is constantly telling everyone she talks to how happy she is being single again.
I think this is disrespectful to my father’s memory and I find it embarrassing, but if I say anything it will make her mad.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
It is possible she is fed up with people trying to commiserate with her and/or “fix her up” with someone so she will not be alone. Or her marriage might not have been as happy as you apparently believe it was and she really is enjoying her freedom.
Either way you should just ignore her remarks – and not let them bother you so much.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend since school days is mad at me because I’ve also been getting friendly with a woman I met at work. When my old friend met the new one she was so rude to her and sometimes she just gives me the cold shoulder too.
Queenie, I don’t want to lose my old friend just because of the new one. What to do?—Caught in the middle
Dear Caught,
Obviously your old friend is jealous of the new one. However, I do not recommend letting her disrupt your new friendship or she will always hold you hostage to her own jealousy.
Try to spend more time with your old friend and hope she can learn to deal with her jealousy.
