Dear Queenie,
Recently my teenage nephew stayed with us for a few days while his parents were away. After he left I discovered that he had been going to free porn sites and chat room on my computer. By doing this he risked infecting my computer with a virus and I don’t like the idea of him looking at porn.
Queenie, should I talk to him or to his parents, or should I just lock up my computer when he is around?—Worried aunt
Dear Worried,
All of the above.
You must protect your computer, you should explain to your nephew the risk he was taking with it, and you should warn his parents about his interest in pornography.
Dear Queenie,
I recently discovered that a family member of my daughter’s best friend has a history of child molestation. We have often let our daughter play at her friend’s house and I am very angry that those parents did not warn us about the danger my daughter would be in at their house.
Queenie, should we report them to the police?—Angry father
Dear Angry father,
It is not uncommon for relatives of a paedophile to be in denial about his or her predilections, or to try to cover them up. And if your daughter has not actually been molested, I am not sure just what you have to report.
However, you are quite right to be concerned about her safety. I suggest you do not let her visit her friend’s house anymore, but arrange for them to play together at your house or somewhere where they will be closely supervised and protected from this predator.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and sister-in-law always send my children gifts for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas but somehow they always send them as much as several weeks after the event.
Queenie, I find this disrespectful. What do you think?—Offended mother
Dear Offended,
My guess is your brother leaves this sort of thing to his wife and she is not the most organised person in the world, to put it mildly. Be glad she remembers at all, if late – and make sure your children send their thank-you notes promptly!
Dear Queenie,
I have a good singing voice and some vocal training, so I am often invited to join a church choir or sing at some religious event like a church service or a wedding or funeral.
The problem is that I am not a religious person. I do not discuss my lack of “faith” with anyone, but it feels hypocritical to sing these religious songs that don’t mean anything to me.
Queenie, what is wrong with me?—Atheist
Dear Atheist,
Nothing is wrong with you and you are far from alone in your lack of religious belief. Truth be told, there are many people who feel the same way you do, but attend church/synagogue/mosque out of habit, for the social contact and/or to keep peace in their families.
As for feeling hypocritical about your singing, what is important on such occasions is not how you feel about the religious content, but how your singing makes your audience feel.
Dear Queenie,
My father is an alcoholic and my mother asked me to get rid of all the alcohol in their home so he would have to stop drinking. I didn’t find all of it and now she blames me because he hasn’t stopped drinking.
I work a full-time job and support myself and pay my own rent on my own home. Worrying about them is stressing me out and I don’t know how much more I can take.
Queenie, what advice do you have for me?—Frazzled
Dear Frazzled,
As you do not live with your parents and you do not indicate that your mother is disabled in any way, it is her responsibility, not yours, to deal with your father’s alcoholic tendencies. Learn to say “NO” when she tries to make it your problem.
Also, I suggest both you and your mother attend some Al-Anon meetings for help in coping with your alcoholic father.
