Dear Queenie,
My sister has two kids, a son and a daughter. The boy is adorable, but I just don’t like the girl. I know it’s not fair and I don’t want to play favorites, but I just don’t like her.
Queenie, how can I get over this?—Worried auntie
Dear Auntie,
Sit down and make a list of at least 10 things about this girl that you at least approve of. Do not let yourself say anything negative about her and force yourself, if you must, to say nice things about and to her.
If the problem is your attitude, you will find yourself changing little by little. If the problem is the way she reacts to your attitude, she will reflect your change in behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
The other night I was at a dinner party at a friend’s house and all through the meal the woman next to me turned toward the woman on her other side to talk to her, completely blocking me out of the conversation, and there was no one on my other side for me to talk to.
I’ve been at other events with these two and they always do the same thing.
Queenie, how do you deal with someone so rude?—Offended guest
Dear Offended,
You ask the woman on this person’s other side – politely, please – to switch places with you so you can have someone to talk to. And you suggest to the hosts that they arrange the seating so that these two can hold their conversations without isolating anybody.
Dear Queenie,
After my ex and I broke up he started going with another girl who is a little younger than I am. I don’t care about that, but she seems to think that because I lost him and she has him now, she can tell me what’s wrong with me and give me advice about everything.
I don’t want to make a big thing of it because we have mutual friends that I don’t want her telling lies to about me, but she’s really annoying.
Queenie, how can I get her to lay off me?—Annoyed ex
Dear Annoyed,
You can listen, nod pleasantly, thank her, and ignore what she says. Or you can just walk away when she starts with her criticism and/or advice.
Or you can tell her (as pleasantly as you can manage) that it is really none of her business and you are not interested in whatever it is she has to say.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend thinks there is something wrong with my marriage because my husband and I almost never disagree about anything, let alone have real arguments.
Queenie, do you think she is right?—Happily married
Dear Happily married,
If you and your husband tend to agree with each other just to keep peace in the family, your friend may have a point. Disagreements should be worked out (peacefully, please!) not buried.
However, if you really both think the same way about most things, you are lucky to have found a truly compatible mate. Count your blessings!
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is friends with a girl at school that I like just fine, but I don’t like her parents at all and I’ve heard some bad things about them. They keep inviting my daughter over to play and so far I have refused but they keep asking and so does my daughter.
Queenie, what should I do?—Worried Mom
Dear Mom,
Keep refusing their invitations if you are not comfortable with having your daughter visit their home, but why not invite her friend to your home occasionally? If you do not want her parents around your home, offer to pick up both girls after school and bring their daughter home when the play-date is over.
