Dear Queenie,
I have a good singing voice and some vocal training, so I am often invited to join a church choir or sing at some religious event like a church service or a wedding or funeral.
The problem is that I am not a religious person. I do not discuss my lack of “faith” with anyone, but it feels hypocritical to sing these religious songs that don’t mean anything to me.
Queenie, what is wrong with me?—Atheist
Dear Atheist,
Nothing is wrong with you and you are far from alone in your lack of religious belief. Truth be told, there are many people who feel the same way you do, but attend church/synagogue/mosque out of habit, for the social contact and/or to keep peace in their families.
As for feeling hypocritical about your singing, what is important on such occasions is not how you feel about the religious content, but how your singing makes your audience feel.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and sister-in-law always send my children gifts for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas but somehow they always send them as much as several weeks after the event.
Queenie, I find this disrespectful. What do you think?—Offended mother
Dear Offended,
My guess is your brother leaves this sort of thing to his wife and she is not the most organised person in the world, to put it mildly. Be glad she remembers at all, if late – and make sure your children send their thank-you notes promptly!
Dear Queenie,
A while ago I started my own business. My parents gave me a little money to help me start my business, but most of the financing came from my savings and a loan I got from a finance company that I have been paying off regularly and on time.
My father has worked in a similar business all his life and in the beginning he expressed interest in becoming my partner. However, I have my own ideas about running my business that I got from a workshop I took and from talking to other people my own age who have their own businesses and he is not interested anymore.
The problem is my parents don’t agree with my ideas and part of why my father wanted to be my partner was to show me how I should be doing things, but it seemed to me that his ideas were old-fashioned and completely out of date, but he still keeps giving me advice that I just do not take.
Queenie, how do I refuse his ideas without wrecking my relationship with my parents?—In a Predicament
Dear Predicament,
As long as your parents are not giving you any more money, you have no obligation to discuss your business with them, especially if the money they gave you was clearly intended to be a gift, or if you have already paid them back.
Listen to your father’s ideas politely and then (quietly) do as you think best. Your best answer to any comments they make will be the success of your business
Dear Queenie,
My father is an alcoholic and my mother asked me to get rid of all the alcohol in their home so he would have to stop drinking. I didn’t find all of it and now she blames me because he hasn’t stopped drinking.
I work a full-time job and support myself and pay my own rent on my own home. Worrying about them is stressing me out and I don’t know how much more I can take.
Queenie, what advice do you have for me?—Frazzled
Dear Frazzled,
As you do not live with your parents and you do not indicate that your mother is disabled in any way, it is her responsibility, not yours, to deal with your father’s alcoholic tendencies. Learn to say “NO” when she tries to make it your problem.
Also, I suggest both you and your mother attend some Al-Anon meetings for help in coping with your alcoholic father.
Dear Queenie,
My sister got married again after she got divorced and it’s not working out any better than the first time but she won’t give up on it and the rest of us can’t figure out why, but that’s not my problem.
The problem is that I’m on my third marriage and this one is working out just fine, but every time we get together she makes smart-ass remarks about how bad I am at choosing husbands (as if she’s doing any better!). I try to laugh at her “jokes” but it’s getting real old real fast. At least when my marriages didn’t work out I had sense enough to make an end of it instead of hanging on to something that just wasn’t right.
Queenie, how do I let her know how much this bugs me without being rude?—Finally happily married
Dear Happily married,
I suspect your sister is jealous of your present happiness and trying to turn attention away from her own situation. Tell her privately that you are worried about her and ask if she would like the name of the marriage counsellor who helped you make a success of your present marriage – and hope she gets the message.
