Dear Queenie,

My husband and I have a satisfying sex life, but it doesn’t include actual intercourse, only what he calls alternative forms of gratification – sex toys and such-like.

Queenie, what could I be doing wrong?—Puzzled wife

Dear Puzzled,

Have you tried to talk to your husband about this? Is it possible that he actually is gay? Or suffers from some form of erectile dysfunction? If the latter is a possibility, encourage him to discuss it with his family physician. A visit(s) to a marriage counsellor and/or a sex therapist might also help.

Dear Queenie,

My husband and I are having financial problems and our parents are not helping us out, even though we are always doing repairs around their house that they would have to pay someone else to do and driving them places so they don’t have to take a bus or a taxi.

Queenie, is it wrong for us to want help now rather than to inherit their money when they pass away?—Resentful daughter

Dear Resentful,

Do your parents know about your financial problems? Have you asked your parents for help and they refused?

And how much do you really know about your parents’ financial status? Are you all that certain that they could afford to help you out without going into debt themselves and that there will be all that much – if anything – for you to inherit when they die?

Perhaps instead of looking to your parents for help, you should look for help in managing your own finances better. A professional in the field might be able to help you establish a realistic budget, and I believe at least one community service organisation offers budgeting courses or workshops.

Dear Queenie,
I was married for more than 30 years and five years after my wife died I married again.
The problem is my new wife can’t stand the thought of me being married before. She can’t stand to see a picture of my late wife or hear her name mentioned. We had to move into a new house and get all new furniture and everything because she refused to have anything to do with anything that had belonged to my first wife.
Queenie, is this normal? Is it wrong of me to remember my late wife or is my new wife being unreasonable?—Remarried widower

Dear Remarried,
It is not unusual for a second wife to feel that she has to compete with her husband’s memories of his first marriage, but your present wife seems to be carrying this tendency to an extreme. Apparently she is very insecure.
Try to avoid saying or doing anything that she could take as a comparison to your late wife. But also encourage her to get some professional counselling, with or without you.

Dear Queenie,

My ex-husband wants me to agree to accept less child support in exchange for his promise to pay for our children’s college tuition when they get older.

Queenie, do you think this is a good idea?—Ex-wife

Dear Ex-wife,

NO!!!

In the first place, there is no guarantee your ex will be financially able to pay the tuition when the time comes, or even if he is able that he will keep his promise.

In the second place, how will you pay for the children’s food, clothing, medical expenses, school fees, etc. in the meantime?

At the very least, consult a lawyer and have this agreement put in writing. And make sure your husband is required to maintain adequate life insurance with you and/or the children as beneficiary/ies, just in case.