Dear Queenie,

  When our family gets together the men just sit around watching TV while the women do all the work.

  Queenie, do you think this is fair? And if not, what to do about it?—Fed up

Dear Fed up,

  No, it is not fair. And what to do – go on strike.

 Tell the men food will not be served (not even snacks) until they have set the table and helped with the preparations. After the meal is over, hide the remote control – even unplug the TV if necessary – until the table is cleared, food is put way and cleanup is complete. Do not expect the men to do all the work, but insist that they at least pitch in.

  Better yet, give the men a taste of their own medicine. Do not even start cooking and when the meal is over do not even start clearing the table or serving dessert. Tell them this time it is up to them to do the work while you watch TV – preferably “chick flicks” that the men would not dream of watching. You deserve a break.

Dear Queenie,

  I put on a lot of weight when I was pregnant, but recently I started exercising and watching my diet and I have lost most of it.

  The problem is my husband. He never paid much attention to me, especially after I got fat, and now he is convinced that my losing all that weight means I must be having an affair. He also says I am stupid if I disagree with him about anything, even when I can prove that he is wrong about something.

  Queenie, what’s wrong with him? Or is something wrong with me for putting up with him?—Angry wife

Dear Angry,

  What’s wrong with him is that he feels insecure and takes it out on you. The only thing wrong with you is that you put up with this kind of abuse.

  Professional counselling, especially if you can persuade him to go with you, will help you figure out whether your marriage can be patched up, if it even should be, and if not, how to go about ending it as amicably as possible.

Dear Queenie,

  I’ve been going out for years with a middle-aged man who still lives with his parents. We have talked about getting married but he still hasn’t actually proposed.

  Queenie, should I wait around until his parents are gone and hope then he will want to get married? That could be a long time, because they aren’t that old and are in very good health.—Getting impatient

Dear Impatient,

  It is not likely that this man will want to get married until he can no longer depend on his parents, if then. And even then, are you certain you want to marry a man who has no experience of living on his own and probably will become as dependent on you as he now is on his parents? If so, by all means stick around. If not, stop thinking of him as husband material.

Dear Queenie,

  A woman we know lost her husband a couple of months ago and already she has started dating a man we know too who also lost his wife although much longer ago. We think this is disrespectful to her late husband’s memory.

  Queenie, how long should a widow wait before she starts looking for another man? And shouldn’t her late husband’s friends be off-limits?—Mourning Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

  There is no set time that I know of for a widow(er) to stay alone after the spouse’s death. It all depends on the individuals involved. It could even be that the deceased, before his death, told his wife he did not want her to stay alone too long and she is obeying his wishes.

  As for the choice of new companion, as long as both are unattached I see nothing scandalous about the new arrangement. In fact, shared memories of their lost loved ones could be a very real comfort to both of them.