Dear Queenie,
There was this girl I was in love with when we were in high school. Eventually we broke up and then I went away to college and I haven’t heard anything from her since then, but our breakup still makes me sad and I have a problem when it comes to getting involved with any other girl because I still remember my first love after all these years.
Queenie, what is wrong with me?—Broken-hearted
Dear Broken-hearted,
You are having trouble letting go of the past and you are afraid of getting hurt again. This is not an unusual feeling, but it is necessary to outgrow it and give yourself a chance to develop new – hopefully more lasting – relationships. Yes, you may get hurt again, but as you become more mature you will learn to deal with the sorrow and open yourself up to the possibility of lasting happiness.
Dear Queenie,
My sister is vexed with me because I didn’t have a wedding shower for her when she got married or a baby shower now that she is expecting.
I didn’t do it because I always understood that is not right for family members to do this.
Queenie, was I wrong?—Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You were quite right. According to the rules of etiquette, it is not proper for family members to host such events.
It would have been correct for her other bridesmaids (I assume you were in the wedding party) and/ or friends to have thrown showers for her, in which case you could have joined in,
The next time you have occasion to give your sister a gift, give her a book on etiquette with a bookmark indicating the section on wedding and baby showers.
Dear Queenie,
My parents got divorced years ago and my father has remarried. He is not happy in this new marriage and I happen to know that he has been cheating on his new wife.
Queenie, should I tell him what I know? Should I tell my stepmother?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
This is really none of your business and you should not say anything to your stepmother. However, you might want to mention what you know to your father and point out to him that this is a small island and if you know, chances are his wife does too.
Dear Queenie,
What does it mean when a guy says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you“?—Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
That depends on the nature of your relationship.
If you have been having sex with him it probably means “I love having sex with you, but I’m not interested in a monogamous relationship.”
If you have been dating but have not had sex, it probably means he enjoys your company occasionally but does not want to take the relationship any further (possibly because he is gay?).
Or it could just be a very gentle way of breaking up with you.
Dear Queenie,
Living here in St. Maarten I have lots of relatives and friends who want to come visit me on their vacations and mostly they are welcome.
However, one of them stays for a couple of weeks but never offers to help around the house or take me out to dinner or chip in for groceries even though they have all sorts of requests for special food they like or need.
Queenie, are they being unreasonable or am I?—Harried hostess
Dear Hostess,
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”
Depending on how much you care for this moocher you might want to give him (or her) a little more than three days, but I would suggest a week at the most. After that they can either chip in or move to a hotel.
Make your limits clear to them when they first inform you they are coming to visit (I assume they give you advance notice!) and when their time is up insist that they pony up or move out. Pack their bags and put them out of the house, if necessary.
As far as their special requests are concerned, tell them go to the grocery and purchase whatever they want – and even insist that they prepare it themself so it will be exactly how they want it.
