Dear Queenie,
My sister and I were very close growing up and stayed that way after I got married – until I caught her and my husband in bed together. I haven’t spoken to her since then and my husband and I got divorced.
Ever since then my mother has been after me to forgive her and forget what happened, but I just can’t. She ruined my marriage!
Queenie, is my mother right?—Still angry
Dear Still angry,
If your husband had not cheated on you with your sister, it probably would have been (or was!) with some other woman. You have every right to be angry with your sister, but holding a grudge tends to be self-destructive.
Try to forgive your sister and at least be on civil terms with her. Forgetting is another matter, but try not to dwell on the memory.
Dear Queenie,
A cousin of mine has applied for a job where I work. We have never been close and in fact I don’t like her much because she is hard to get along with and kind of a bully.
I really don’t want to have to work with her and I could probably keep her from getting the job if I told the boss what she is like.
Queenie, what to do?—Non-kissing cousin
Dear Cousin,
Is your cousin as difficult to get along with for everybody, or is it just with you? You could quietly ask your boss to give her an assignment where you do not have to work with her, and let him see for him(her?)self what she is like.
Your cousin will be on probation at first and hopefully will try to “put her best foot forward” on the job. You may even find that she is easier to get along with in a business environment, and you still do not have to have anything to do with her outside of work.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a guy I really like, except that he doesn’t seem to know how to kiss.
Queenie, how can I teach him to do better, or should I just give up on him?—Sleeping princess
Dear Princess,
Do not tell him he is doing anything wrong. Just tell him – tactfully, please – what you would like him to do, and hope he will pay attention to what you say.
Dear Queenie,
My grownup daughter and her boyfriend came to visit us for a week, the first time we met the boyfriend.
We only have one spare bedroom so we put a folding cot in there for the boyfriend and let them share the room because our bedroom is right across from it and we figured they would not get up to anything they shouldn’t because they knew we could hear whatever goes on the other room.
Queenie, we were so wrong! In the middle of the night they actually woke us up with their noisy lovemaking!
The next morning I told my daughter how disrespectful I thought they were and now my daughter is mad at me. Did they actually think it would be all right because we let them share the bedroom?—Angry mother
Dear Mother,
Apparently they did. Or they just couldn’t control their libidos, a common condition among young adults. After all, what do you think they do when they are back wherever they live?
For that matter, do you and your husband refrain from having sex when you have guests staying with you?
Dear Queenie,
I broke up with my boyfriend a while back but now I know it was a big mistake and I really want him back.
Queenie, how can I get him to give me another chance?—Sad ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex,
You can tell him you know now that you made a big mistake and beg him to try again, but if he is not willing to do so, you will have to let him go. Nothing is quite as unattractive as desperate unrequited love.
