Dear Queenie,
My mother died many years ago and my father died recently and now my brother and I are quarrelling all the time over the settling of his estate – who gets what personal belongings, whether to keep his home and rent it out or just sell it and divide up the proceeds, etc.
Queenie, I hate being on the outs with him. What do you suggest?—Bereaved daughter
Dear Daughter,
Trying to handle such matters while grieving for your father’s passing is apparently more than you and your brother can handle. If your father left a will, be guided by his instructions. If not, hire a lawyer to act as executor of your father’s estate and be guided by his (or her) legal counsel.
Dear Queenie,
My wife is “good friends” with a man she has known for a long time. She says there was never anything romantic between them but the way the man talks about her is something different. Also, they hug each other a lot and kiss on the lips when they meet and say “goodbye” and they have “pet names” for each other.
I trust my wife, but I wish she would tell why they are so affectionate with each other.
Queenie, is she making a fool of me?—Doubtful husband
Dear Husband,
Have you asked your wife about any of the things that are raising your doubts? If so, did she give answers that satisfied you? If not, do so immediately and insist on going into detail. If necessary, have this discussion in the presence of a professional counsellor. Then you will know what to think.
Dear Queenie,
My sister and her husband own a timeshare in St. Maarten and invited me to stay with them for a week this summer, but when we started talking about specific dates when I could come down they made a point of telling me they would expect me to pay for my own food and liquor.
Queenie, I would love to have a Caribbean vacation, but I don’t like being taken advantage of!—Angry brother
Dear Brother,
Just who is taking advantage of whom? You expect your sister and brother-in-law to feed you and provide you with free drinks as well as free lodging? I suggest you do some research on hotel prices in St. Maarten and learn just what a bargain your sister and brother-in-law have offered you!
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend has a habit of correcting my grammar (and other people’s) during a simple conversation and it’s really irritating.
Queenie, how can we get her to stop without being rude to her?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
It may not be possible. You can try thanking her profusely and at length every time she corrects you (and I will bet she corrects any mistakes you make in your “thank you” speech) but she may not get the point.
You can also try correcting any mistakes she makes – grammatical or points of fact – and if she objects just say you are following her example and hope she gets the point. Do not worry about being rude to her – you will just be “doing unto her as she is doing unto you.”
Dear Queenie,
I’m ashamed to say that when I was in high school I bullied a classmate who was of a different cultural background than me. As an adult I know what I did was wrong and I would like to make amends.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to send her a message of apology on her Facebook page?—
Dear Remorseful,
It is never wrong to apologise for something you have done wrong, but do not take it for granted that your victim will forgive you just because you have done so. Keep your message brief and do not be surprised if she does not respond. And if she does respond, accept whatever she says and do not try to keep in touch with her further unless she is clearly willing to hear more from you.
