Dear Queenie,
I do not use makeup myself but one of my friends uses a lot, too much I think. I usually don’t say anything to her about it, but one day when she had put on lipstick all the way around her mouth it got a little smeared and made her mouth look huge and funny.
When I tried to tell her how it made her look she just told me not to tell her anything because I don’t use makeup so I don’t know anything about it, and I couldn’t think of a good answer.
Queenie, how could I have answered her?—Speechless
Dear Speechless,
In your place I would have told her, “No, I do not use makeup, but I have to look at people who do and right now I am looking at you and this is what I see ... .”
Dear Queenie,
Last week I invited some friends over for dinner. I cooked a lot of food so I could have leftovers to eat for a few days after that, but they all ate so much there wasn’t anything left over.
Queenie, why are people so greedy?—Annoyed hostess
Dear Hostess,
It is reasonable for guests to believe they are welcome to eat everything that is on the table in front of them. Obviously you did not expect your guests to have such hearty appetites.
In the future, if you want to be sure of having leftovers, prepare a lot more food and set part of it aside before you serve the meal.
Dear Queenie,
Why do people who are getting divorced, or just having an argument, try to get everyone else to take sides and agree with them, even if the subject under discussion (especially a divorce) has nothing to do with anyone else?
Queenie, I just don’t understand why adults act this way.—Bewildered
Dear Bewildered,
They do it to get “moral support” and to try to prove that they are right and to punish the other party by isolating him or her from the group or. especially in cases of acrimonious divorce, from the family.
And, adults do this because adults do not always behave like adults.
Dear Queenie,
When my husband is mad at me he says I should remember everything he does for me and he starts telling me each and every little thing, but when I try to answer with all the things I do for him I’m so upset I can’t think of them all.
Anyway, Queenie, why should I have to remind him of all that?—Annoyed wife
Dear Wife,
You should not have to remind him, and you should not have to think of them when you are being scolded.
Some time when you are alone and unprovoked, sit down and make a written (or typed) detailed list of everything you do for your husband. For example, not just “keep house,” but “make the bed, dust, sweep, laundry, cook, wash dishes, shop for groceries, etc., etc., etc.”
Then make a lot of copies, and the next time your husband starts one of his tirades, hand him a copy and ask him, “What about everything I do for you?”
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for 30 years and he just doesn’t talk to me anymore. He’ll sit there watching sports or politics on TV or reading a book or the newspaper and act like I’m not even there. He likes to chat with other people but not with me.
Queenie, how can I get him to notice me?—Ignored wife
Dear Wife,
People, especially couples, who spend most of their time together sometimes find that neither of them has anything new to say – “same old same old” – so they just do not talk to each other.
Find some new interests or activities apart from your husband so you will not feel so isolated and will have new things to talk about.
And, you might want to consider professional counselling, with your husband if you can persuade him to go, or by yourself if he will not.
