Dear Queenie,
I’m lucky to have a job that I can work from home by computer. But I have some neighbors who think that if I’m at home they can drop in any time to visit and don’t understand that I have to be on the computer at certain times and that I have to get my work done on time.
Queenie, I don’t want to be rude to them, but how can I get them to leave me alone when I am working?—Telecommuter
Dear Telecommuter,
Some time when you can spare the time – as soon as possible – explain to your neighbours what you have just told me. Then when they drop in, tell them you are busy at your job and ask them to come back later when you have finished your work, giving them a specific time when you will be free to visit with them.
You could even make a sign to put up on your door saying “Please do not disturb; I am at work right now. Please come back at (such and such a time).” However, you might not want to use that sign if you are expecting a delivery.
Dear Queenie,
My husband had an affair until I found out about it and he broke up with his byside when I told him it was me or her and if he didn’t break it off I would leave him.
However, I have discovered that he is still texting with her. He says he is not cheating on me because they never meet in person. I say he is still cheating and he shouldn’t be having anything at all to do with her.
Queenie, what do you say?—Betrayed wife
Dear Wife,
I say there is such a thing as an emotional affair and as long as your husband stays in touch with his (ex?-)byside that is what is going on.
He has to choose between the two of you. He cannot “have his cake and eat it too.”
Dear Queenie,
When I went away to college I left a lot of my things in my parents’ house. While I was away they got divorced and my father moved out and put all his things into storage somewhere.
He also took all my things with him and put them in storage too and now he won’t tell me where they are because he thinks I might tell my mother where he has his things stored and she might somehow get to them and do something to them for spite.
Queenie, how can I get my things back?—Divorcees’ daughter
Dear Daughter,
Ask your father to arrange a separate storage space for your things – or make the arrangements yourself – and have all your things moved into your storage unit.
Your father will have to arrange for the moving, or do it himself, if he will not let you know where your things are currently stored, but that is the price he must pay for not trusting you enough to let you know where he is keeping his own things.
Dear Queenie,
My parents got divorced when I was little and I stayed with my mother.
After a while my father married the woman he had an affair with that broke up his marriage to my mother, but she had children of her own and I hardly ever even visited them and never got close to her or my stepbrothers and stepsister. None of them ever even bothered to attend my graduations from high school and college or my wedding when I got married.
However, when my father retired they had money trouble and their children have had to help them out, and they expected me to chip in too, but my husband said, “No way.”
Queenie, shouldn’t I feel guilty about not helping them in their old age?—Estranged daughter
Dear Daughter,
If the only thing your father values about you is your money I see no reason for you to feel guilty.
He is the one who should feel guilty for not maintaining contact with you and being a father to you when you were a child and needed him. Now he is literally paying the price for his neglect.
Dear Queenie,
My sister gives people gifts that she buys at yard sales or flea markets, which usually means they are used goods. It’s not as if she has money problems, but she thinks she is doing the sellers a favour by buying their stuff, or giving to charity when it’s some organisation holding the sale.
We would rather not get anything from her at all and just have her attend the party or whatever the occasion is.
Queenie, how do we handle this without being rude?—Gift Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Do not make an issue of the origin of the gift. Thank your sister for it and later on do with it whatever you think appropriate. You could even donate it to some other organisation (or maybe the same one it came from) if it is fit for them to sell for a good cause.
