Dear Queenie,
My sister is dating a man who tells her she has gained weight and makes her feel guilty about the kind of food she eats and how much money she spends and what she spends it on. He even gets mad if we go out to a bar and have a few drinks. He claims he trusts her but he doesn’t trust who she may meet up with when she has been drinking.
Queenie, she says she loves him and wants to marry him. How can I convince her that this guy is just a jerk who wants to control her?—Worried sister
Dear Sister,
You cannot convince your sister, who is in love with him, that this man is a jerk. She will have to figure that out for herself.
The one good thing I see about him is that he worries about what might happen to her when she has been drinking, especially if she drinks enough to get a little – or more than a little – tipsy.
Dear Queenie,
I have been married for many years and recently my doctor told me I have a minor STD that I could only have gotten by having sex with a person who had it, so if I have been faithful to my husband then he must have cheated on me. The doctor also said I could have had the infection for a long time without having any symptoms.
Queenie, my husband says he has never cheated on me. How can I believe him?—Confused Wife
Dear Wife,
Were you and/or your husband sexually active before you got married? Is it possible that you have had this infection for all the time since then?
Your husband also should see his doctor and get tested for this infection, because if you have it probably he also has it, and you do not want to continue to pass it back and forth to each other, no matter who got it first and gave it to the other.
Dear Queenie,
After we got divorced my husband married a woman who couldn’t get along with our older daughter, who was a teenager then. Since that time he has almost no contact with our older daughter, although he is still close to our younger one who was in primary school at that time.
The older girl is now also divorced and has a son and they are living with me, and my ex stays close to the boy by visiting with him when he is staying with his father, my daughter’s ex. I have told him he could come to my house to see the boy, but he won’t do it because he doesn’t want to see the boy’s mother.
The only time he sees her at all is when someone in his family holds a family event, and then he keeps his distance and doesn’t even speak to her.
Our daughter has tried to contact him, but he doesn’t return her calls or reply to her e-mails.
Queenie, is there any way to mend this situation?—Unhappy mother
Dear Mother,
Most likely your ex stayed away from his older daughter because of his new wife, which is no excuse for his behaviour at that time or since then.
You or your younger daughter could try talking to him to get an explanation and try to help him reconnect with his older daughter, but after all this time I do not hold out much hope for success. However, it is worth a try.
Dear Queenie,
One day when my daughter and her family were at my house visiting, I invited my husband’s mother to come over later in the afternoon so she could see her great-grandchildren.
However, she came by about 2 hours before the time I had said and she had a friend with her. When I said how early she was she said she would wait outside, but then she said she wanted to show her friend around our house and she just walked right in.
Queenie, my husband won’t say anything to his mother when she does this kind of thing. What can I do?—Annoyed daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
Your husband should be the one to talk to his mother, but if he will not do it, you will have to put your foot down – as politely as you can manage. In a case like you describe, you can stop her at the front door and tell her you are sorry, but she cannot come in right then, and do not let her in. She will be angry and she may not get over it, so you will have to decide whether you are willing to take that risk.
Dear Queenie,
The other day in the supermarket I was next to a woman in line who was talking to someone on her cell phone. That is not unusual these days, but the part of the conversation I could hear was all about something I would consider a very personal matter and not want some stranger to hear about.
Queenie, don’t people have any sense of privacy anymore?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
I know exactly what you mean. That was the reason public telephones used to be located in booths where you could shut the doors – for the privacy of the person making the call.
In the circumstances you describe, I have often been tempted to chip in my two cents’ worth to the conversation, although I have not actually done it. And then, when the person on the phone looked at me or said something to me about it being a private call, I would have replied, “Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to me!”
