Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I are in our 30s and we have been living together for about a year. Before we moved in together I told him very clearly that what I wanted in life was to get married and have children. He said he wanted the same things, but up to now there is no sign of our getting engaged, never mind getting married.
My parents have invited his parents for several events and his parents invite me to similar occasions, but they don’t invite my parents, which he said they would do if we were married.
Queenie, what am I supposed to think about all this?—Disappointed girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I don’t know what you are supposed to think, but it should be obvious to you by now that your boyfriend is in no hurry to make your relationship official, no matter what his parents may think about it (and apparently they do not approve of your living together without getting married).
I think it is long past time for you to have a serious talk with your live-in boyfriend about your long-term goals – which for you means marriage and children. And I think you should do so right away, before the children you want start arriving without your being married to their father.
Dear Queenie,
I have feelings for my friend’s girl that he is checking but not dealing and I don’t know how to act around them. He is my best friend.
Queenie, what do I do?—Confused friend
Dear Friend,
I suggest you do nothing for the time being, until you know for certain what your best friend’s intentions are regarding this girl. Eventually he will decide what he wants to do – or not do – about her.
If he decides she is not for him, you will have a clear field to go ahead with her – if you still have feelings for her. If you do not, there will be no problem.
On the other hand, if eventually he decides to go after her and you still have feelings for her, you will have to decide whether to become his rival for her affection or to give up any idea of going after her yourself.
In the meantime, you will have the chance to think carefully about what you want to do in either eventuality.
Let me add a further complication to this situation: Could it be that your best friend is aware of your feelings for this girl and feels the same way about you and her that you feel about him and her?
Dear Queenie,
My daughter, who is only 15, has been seeing an older man who I happen to know has a criminal record and sells and uses drugs.
Queenie, how can I convince her this guy is really bad for her?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
If your daughter thinks she is “in love” with this man she is not going to like (or listen to) anything negative you say about him. If you are certain that he is selling drugs you could report him to the police.
Meanwhile, I would recommend professional counselling for you and your daughter, to help her learn to make more mature decisions.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I moved to the island when I got a good job here. Every year when the time for our grandchildren’s birthdays comes around she gets homesick for where we used to live and starts talking about moving back there. She says I could get a good job back there.
I like it here much better than where we used to live and I like my job here too and I don’t want to go back there except maybe to visit for a few days.
Queenie, how can we work this out?—Harassed husband
Dear Husband,
If you can afford it, perhaps your wife could go “back there” frequently to visit or even to live for part of the year near your grandchildren.
As usual, I recommend professional counselling for the two of you together if you need more help than I can give you to work things out.
Dear Queenie,
I used to take care of a woman who is disabled and not able to care for herself. During that time I got to know her husband very well.
I don’t work for them anymore, but recently I met her husband while we were shopping at the same store and he said how much he likes me and asked me to go out with him. He said he would never leave his wife because she needs him, but he also wants a kind of companionship she is not able to give him.
Queenie, I like him too. Would it be wrong for us to go out together?—Falling in love
Dear Falling,
Ordinarily I would not condone your getting involved with a married man, but this man is married to a woman who is unable to be a wife to him, so I have mixed feelings about your situation.
Perhaps you should consult a professional counsellor to help you work out your feelings about this matter and decide what you believe is right.
