Dear Queenie,
I have a full-time job where I work with other women, but mostly a lot of men, and sometimes we socialize outside of working hours. My husband is convinced that I must be having an affair with at least one of the men, or maybe more than one! I understand that this is because he is insecure and does not think well of himself, but I can’t get him to stop.
Queenie, how can I convince him that I have always been faithful to him?—Faithful wife
Dear Wife,
I do not want to add to your problems, but have you considered that maybe your husband’s suspicions are a reflection of his own behaviour – that he has been unfaithful to you?
Tell him that his accusations are making you wonder about him, and suggest that the two of you go for professional marriage counselling. And, as usual, I suggest that if he will not go with you, you should go alone to get help learning to cope with the way he treats you.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter has a friend that lives near us that always comes over to our house to play but my daughter never goes to play at her house, and the little girl never goes home until we make her go, not at suppertime or even bedtime.
Queenie, I don’t like to throw her out when it’s time for her to go, but what can I do?—Disgusted mother
Dear Mother,
There may be a very good reason this child is reluctant to go home. Her parent(s) may be abusive, stoned, drunk or just not there.
Since you say the child lives near you, try walking her home once or twice to get an idea of what her home is like. Then, if you think her situation may be unfit, you might consider notifying the Court of Guardianship and letting them take it from there.
Dear Queenie,
I am planning to surprise my wife with a birthday party at her favorite restaurant so she won’t have to cook or do any work for the party, but I can’t afford to pay the bill for all those people.
Queenie, would it be okay to say something about this on the invitation, like “No gifts, please, your presence will be all the gift she wants”?—Party Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is never okay to mention gifts on an invitation unless you are suggesting donations to charity instead of gifts.
And in this case you are not actually planning to play host by paying the restaurant bill, so perhaps your invitation should say something along the lines of “Please join me in treating my wife to dinner at her favourite restaurant (place) on (date) at (time).”
Dear Queenie,
My mother and I always got along very well, but since I got married she just won’t leave me alone. She wants me to do everything with her just like we used to – shopping, doctor visits, going to the movies, just hanging out, whatever.
It’s not like she can’t do these things with my father, they get along just fine.
Queenie, how do I get her to let me make life a life of my own with my husband and friends my own age?—Smothered daughter
Dear Daughter,
Remind her – as gently as you can! – that you are all grown up and married, and have your own life to live. Then try to make time for her as often as you can (and care to) manage, and – again gently! – decline her other requests for your company.
Dear Queenie,
My sister’s husband seems like a very nice guy, but my sister talk to me about her problems and I’m not so sure about him. He got rid of all her pets after they got married and he was so mean to her children from her first marriage that the kids had to go live with their father and his new wife.
Queenie, how can we go on liking him and being nice to him when he is treating his own family that way?—Worried Sister
Dear Sister,
Abusers and control freaks often can put on a very nice face for outsiders while they are mistreating their own families in private.
Do not try to discuss all this with your brother-in-law, as he may turn his bad side on you, but you should continue to offer your sister support when she asks for it.
You should also suggest she try to get professional counselling to help her deal with her situation and decide what she wants to do about it.
And be prepared to help her carry out her decision(s).
