Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine gave me some books she didn’t like.
Queenie, why would she give me something if she didn’t like it?—Offended friend
Dear Friend,
The fact that she did not like the books does not mean you would not like them either. Very often good friends have different tastes – in food, or clothes, or in this case reading matter.
Have you tried reading the books? If not, do so to see whether you like them. If you do, enjoy! If you do not, pass them on to a library, a rummage sale, or someone else you know who might like them.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever my husband is upset about anything he starts a fight with me that doesn’t have anything to do with what he is upset about. I suggested he get counselling about this, but he won’t even consider it. He said there’s nothing wrong with him, it’s my fault for making him mad, and then he started a fight about my suggestion that he needed counselling.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Frustrated wife
Dear Wife,
Your problem is not so much that your husband takes out his frustrations on you as that you allow him to do so. This is emotional abuse on his part.
If he continues to refuse to get counselling, you should get counselling yourself to learn why you put up with his abuse and what you can do about it, even if it means ending your relationship with him – and if so, how to go about doing so safely.
Dear Queenie,
I have several grandchildren and am always pleased when they call me “Grandma” or “Grandma (my name)”, but I find it rude and disrespectful when grown-ups who are not my grandchildren call me something like that.
Queenie, how do I get the grown-ups to talk to me like another grown-up?—Offended grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
(No offence meant.) Just tell them, “My name is …” if they do not already know your name, or if they do know it, “Please call me by my name.”
Dear Queenie,
My wife died recently and now I can’t stop worrying about something that happened many years ago. Back then I had an affair with one of our neighbors. I did tell my priest about it in confession and he made me do penance and absolved me of my sin, but I never said anything about it to my wife and I don’t know if she ever suspected anything.
Queenie, should I tell my children, who are all grown up, or do I just have to live with this secret?—Still feeling guilty
Dear Feeling Guilty,
Telling your children might make you feel better, but it probably would make them feel terrible. Is that what you want?
If you must tell somebody about this ancient mistake, talk to a professional counsellor who can help you find a way to forgive yourself.
Dear Queenie,
My little brother had some development problems when he was a child. Now I have a friend whose child is showing some of the same problems my brother had and she has mentioned that she is concerned about them.
Queenie, should I tell her what I think?—Helpful friend
Dear Friend,
The next time your friend brings up the subject, suggest that she discuss it with her child’s paediatrician. You could also tell her about your brother and his problems.
