Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has to travel a lot for his job and he’s away about half the time. When he’s home he spends weekdays with me, but he likes to spend weekends visiting his family or hanging out with his friends.
I know he isn’t cheating on me, but I get so lonely when he’s away and spending the weekends alone when he’s not, and he hates just sitting around home doing nothing.
Queenie, what should I do?—Lonely girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Find part-time or volunteer work or take some classes to keep you busy during the week when your boyfriend is away and on the weekends when he leaves you alone. And as for the weekends, go with him at least sometimes when he visits his family, and find things for the two of you to do together at home or outside.
Dear Queenie,
My sister was always my mother’s favourite. She got nice new clothes and toys and all I got were hand-me-downs. If I asked for something I got called spoiled and selfish. If I wanted to do something or go somewhere and she didn’t, I had to do without. My father didn’t notice or didn’t care.
Now I’m grown up and living on my own and my mother treats me just like she always did. If I ask her for something she says, “No,” but if she asks me for a favour and I can’t do it she gets so angry!
I would like to have a good relationship with my parents and when I get married and have children I don’t want them to be treated like I was.
Queenie, will this be possible?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
You probably never will have the same kind of relationship with your mother as your sister has, but yours could improve. Professional counselling could help you learn better ways to cope with your mother, and if you can get her to go with you for the sake of her future grandchildren it might even improve the way she treats you, but if she won’t go with you, go by yourself.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for more than a year. Early on I ran into an ex-boyfriend and we had a few drinks together. I ended up kissing him goodbye and I haven’t seen him since.
However, when I told my present boyfriend about it he got mad and broke up with me for a while, but then we got back together.
The problem is his mother and sister. They either ignore me or insult me, even though I have apologized to all of them, and my boyfriend won’t interfere even though I asked him to.
Queenie, I don’t deserve this and I don’t know how much longer I can take it!—D Tired of it all
Dear Tired,
If your boyfriend truly had forgiven you, he would not let his family abuse you this way. As it is, he is letting them punish you on his behalf.
If this is the way he is, it is just as well you know it sooner than later.
Dear Queenie,
When you invite people to have dinner with you, some people just stay and stay and stay.
Queenie, without being rude how do you let them know when it’s time for them to go home?—Tired hostess
Dear Hostess,
The simplest way is to set a time limit in your invitation; for example, “Dinner from 6:00 to 9:00pm.” You can also tell them, when it is time for them to go, that you have to be (wherever) at (whatever time) the next morning, and have to get to bed, so, “It has been so nice having you visit. Good night.”
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 50s, divorced for half my life, and haven’t gone out on a date for several years. It’s not that I haven’t had a chance, because my friends and family keep trying to fix me up, but I won’t waste my time on someone I don’t find physically attractive.
They think this shouldn’t matter, but I can wait for the right person to come along even if it never happens.
Queenie, how can I get them to stop bugging me about it?—Had enough
Dear Had enough,
Just keep on saying, “Thanks, but no, thank you.” However, bear in mind that you may be missing out on a spectacular relationship(s) for a purely superficial reason.
