Dear Queenie,
Many years ago my husband cheated on me with a woman he worked with. The affair ended when she moved away, and I got him to go to counselling with me, but he only went once and then said everything was all right with us.
Last year she got in touch with him again and I found out they were planning to meet up this summer, but that didn’t go through because of all the COVID-19 restrictions, but they still stayed in touch. We did go to counselling again, but he stopped going after the counsellor said he had betrayed me.
He insists that it is all over between them, but I suspect that is only because they can’t get together because of all the travel restrictions.
Queenie, what do you think?—Betrayed wife
Dear Wife,
He might be telling you the truth, but as you suspect, it may only be because of all the COVID-19 restrictions, which could be only a temporary matter.
You cannot force your husband to go for counselling, but you can continue to go yourself to get help deciding what you are willing to put up with, and how to deal with whatever you decide to do about it.
Dear Queenie,
After I retired, a friend from work stayed in touch with me, but it got so he is calling me several times a day and sometimes at crazy hours like late at night or very early in the morning. I asked him to stop calling so often and only during normal daytime hours, but nothing has changed.
Queenie, how do I get this guy to give me some peace?—Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed,
It could be that this man is bored out of his mind with all the “stay at home” restrictions we are now all suffering, but sometimes “enough is enough” becomes “enough is too much”.
If this man is married, call his wife and ask her to intervene. You might also ask whether he has any (mental?) health issues and suggest that a visit to his doctor might be a good idea.
Dear Queenie,
Since my wife and I moved to St. Maarten we keep our house air-conditioned all year ’round because it is so hot and humid here even in the winter, but if it ever does get a little cooler outside we open the windows to get some fresh air.
When we would visit friends they would have the windows closed, so there would be no fresh air, but they would not have the air-conditioner turned on and we would have to just sit there and fan ourselves and even if we mentioned how hot we were they wouldn’t do anything.
Queenie, why wouldn’t they at least try to make their guests comfortable?—Hot climate Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Your friends probably are accustomed to the hot climate in St. Maarten and may even find your air-conditioned house too cold but are too polite to say anything, or may dress warmly in anticipation when they visit you.
As for their homes, they may live in areas where unpleasant fumes enter the house if they open the windows, and they may find air-conditioning too expensive and not really necessary.
Dear Queenie,
My son is getting married to a girl from a wealthy family and they expect us to pay for the rehearsal dinner for the wedding party, their spouses and the guests from other places. It will cost a lost more than we can afford.
Queenie, is this right?—Father of the groom
Dear Father,
While it is traditional for the groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner – for the members of the wedding party, their spouses or partners, close relatives, the clergyperson and spouse, and maybe a few other special guests – out-of-town guests are not usually included. And nowadays it is not necessarily the groom’s family that hosts and pays for it.
The out-of-towners should be given a list of restaurants where they can fend for themselves.
If money is a problem, tell the bride’s family how much you can afford and ask them to keep within that budget or pay the difference themselves.
And remember, these days, with all the travel restrictions, and with all the local restrictions on social events, there probably will not be as many guests – local and/or out-of-town – as you might otherwise expect.
Dear Queenie,
My older sister packed up all the family photos and our mother’s jewelry after our father died and put it all in storage. She never asked if I wanted any of it, and there are some things I would like to have.
Queenie, how can I get her share these things with me?—Younger sister
Dear Sister,
If you have access to the place where these things are stored, go there, go through the things and take the things you want, making sure to inform your sister about what you have taken.
If you do not have access, and your sister will not cooperate, you may have to take legal measures, which could get expensive.
