Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has a grown-up daughter that he only hears from when she has a problem and calls him for help. He always tries to help her, but this always upsets him and I hate to see him feeling like that.
Queenie, how can I help him deal with his daughter?—Worried girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend’s daughter needs to grow up and learn to deal with her problems, but that takes a loooong time for some people, and there are some who never learn. There is also the possibility that she resents his relationship with you and this is her way of getting his attention.
Allow your boyfriend to vent his feelings by talking to you about them, or better yet, to a professional counsellor. Professional counselling might also help your boyfriend’s daughter, and he might want to suggest she get it.
Dear Queenie,
My little daughter’s birthday is coming up and I am sending out birthday party invitations. She already has more toys than she ever plays with.
Queenie, I know you always say not to put a request for anything on an invitation, but is it okay to say what you don’t want, like “no toys, please”?—Invitation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You should never mention gifts on an invitation (except to say, “No, gifts, please” or to specify a donation to charity). Just plan to return or exchange any unwanted gifts, or to donate them to charity.
Dear Queenie,
My son is a college graduate, but he has never had a job so he doesn’t have anything to put on a resumé. He won’t even take a part-time job. He helps around the house, but not much, and he does some volunteer work at our church, but mostly he spends a lot of time playing video games and watching TV.
Queenie, how can we get him to start job-hunting before he is so old nobody will consider hiring him?—Worried father
Dear Father,
Stop hoping your son will start looking for work and insist that he do so. Also, start charging him enough rent that he will have to find at least a part-time job to earn the money to pay you.
And point out to him that his college degree, his volunteer work and any part-time job he works at are things he can put on a resumé and use for references.
The longer you let him wait around doing nothing, the harder it will be for him to get a job when he does start looking for one. And what will he do when the time comes, as it inevitably will, when you are unable or just not there to support him?
Dear Queenie,
My fiancé and I are getting married after living together for 5 years. We already have a home with all the furniture and appliances we need and we really don’t want any more things to just take up space.
Queenie, when we send out our wedding invitations is it okay to ask people not to give us things for wedding presents, but money we could use for our honeymoon or put away for future needs?—Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
No, it is not okay to ask for money. You can say, “No gift, please” and leave it up to the recipient whether and how to honour that request, or you can ask that instead of a gift they make a donation in your name to your favourite charity, but that is as far as you can go.
Dear Queenie,
My husband has a friend who is constantly arguing with me about little things or making scornful remarks about something I do or say.
I don’t want to be as rude to him as he is to me, so I just keep quiet and try to avoid him.
Queenie, can you think of any way I can answer him or shut him up without being rude?—Offended wife
Dear Offended,
Try telling him, “Maybe you are right. I will have to think about it.” Then walk away and go about your business, doing whatever you think is best.
