Dear Queenie,
I have a boyfriend that I truly adore, I’ve never felt this way before. We have no problems, everything is great. I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend, but his mother is the problem.
The first red flag was when I found out that she had him showering with her underwear, and he saw nothing wrong in this. Now imagine being in the shower with your man and you have a rag but he has his mother’s panty.
The second red flag was about his money. She is young and healthy with her own man who she is living with and decided on her own that she does not want to work anymore but wants to feed off of her son’s money. She goes on trips and expects him to fund her lavish lifestyle. She expects him to buy her whatever she wants, when she wants and she has her own man and an older son that she does the complete opposite with.
Again, he is a genuine person and sees nothing wrong in this issue. I’ve told him about it in the nicest way possible because I know it’s his mother and I don’t want him to think that I am jealous of how he acts towards her, but it makes me feel very uncomfortable. It also makes me feel like we are sharing a man.
Queenie, What should I do? Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I overreacting or overthinking?—Agitated girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
To begin with, keep in mind that this is the woman who raised the “boyfriend that you truly adore.” If he is so great, there must be something good about her and the way she raised him.
Then, yes, there are the red flags you have mentioned. (As for the shower, was he using his mother’s panty as a washcloth, or wearing it? Two different areas of concern.)
You should keep on talking to your boyfriend about your concerns. And professional counselling, if you can persuade him to go with you, might help him see that these issues are of concern, and, whether he goes with you or not, help you decide how you want to deal with them.
Dear Queenie,
I hear a lot about people whose spouses disagree with whatever they say or want, but my problem is exactly the opposite – my husband will never give me an opinion about anything, like what he would like for dinner or where to go for an outing or even what TV program to watch.
Queenie, how can I fix this?—Annoyed wife
Dear Wife,
Always having to decide can be very exasperating. Stop asking for your husband’s opinion and just make these decisions yourself. It may happen that if you stop asking him all the time, your husband will start offering his ideas.
Dear Queenie,
My son married a woman who doesn’t like me and has him completely under her thumb. They have 2 children, but I only get to see them and my son when she is not at home or when my son brings the children to my house.
Queenie, is there anything I can do to make things better?—Another disgusted mother
Dear Mother,
Apparently your son takes the phrase “forsaking all others” in his marriage vows a little too seriously.
Tell your son how you feel and hope that he will have the gumption to stand up to his wife and try to improve matters, but if that does not make things better you will just have to accept them the way they are and find other ways to make a life of your own without much contact with your son and grandchildren.
Dear Queenie,
My cousin has children the same age as mine, but the only time I see her and the children get to see each other is when we are invited to a special occasion that involves gift-giving, like Christmas or the birthday of one of the kids. It’s not like they need more stuff, they already have more than they have room for.
If we don’t go, we hardly ever see any of them. They might come over if we invite them for a BBQ or something like that, but like I said, they don’t invite us to anything except special occasions.
Queenie, how can we stay closer to them?—Sad cousin
Dear Cousin,
Continue to attend her children’s special events, but instead of giving them things, offer to take them on special outings where you can get to know them better, and invite them to family functions.
Try to remember that being your cousin does not make her one of your best friends.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s parents never have any interest in seeing our children (we have four), their grandchildren. It’s not as if the children cause any problems – they behave well and take care of each other – but their grandparents always have some excuse not to see them.
Queenie, should I keep trying? And what should I tell the children?—Disgusted mother
Dear Mother,
Perhaps seeing so many children all at once is more than your husband’s parents can handle. Have you tried arranging for them to see the children one at a time?
Continue to invite your in-laws to any occasions where their presence might be expected and leave it up them whether to attend.
And when the children ask about their grandparents, do not say anything negative, just tell them that is how some people are.
