Dear Queenie,
If I do anything my parents don’t like they get mad and yell at me and call me bad names. I tried to talk to them about this, but it just made them mad again.
Queenie, I would like to be closer to them but I don’t know what to do. Please help me.—Hopeful son
Dear Son,
Some people behave the way you describe when they are under financial or other kinds of pressure. Others behave the way their parents treated them when they were children.
Perhaps an adult relative might be able to explain to your parents how you feel. Or, if you go for counselling, the counsellor might want to talk to your parents about your problem and they might listen to what a professional tells them.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been having some problems and we even went for marriage counselling. I thought things were going to be okay until my husband said he hasn’t been in love with me for a long time.
I want to keep our marriage going because we have young children but I just don’t know what to do.
Queenie, can we have a good marriage if we’re not in love with each other?—Confused wife
Dear Wife,
A good marriage does not require passionate love. There can be a good marriage even without passionate love as long as both parties are dedicated to making it work – and marriage counselling can help with this.
Dear Queenie,
I know that the reasons for giving gifts don’t include making the other person grateful, but is it too much to expect them to send a “thank you” note? When I send my children and grandchildren gifts I never even know if they arrived unless I call them and ask.
Queenie, what do you have to say about this?—Gift Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
I think anyone who receives a gift from you and does not take the trouble to send you some sort of “thank you” – at the very least a phone call or an e-mail – does not deserve to receive any more gifts from you. And then if they ask why there have been no more gifts, explain this to them (again).
Dear Queenie,
My older daughter got divorced because both she and her husband had an affair with another man and woman, respectively.
My younger daughter is happily married, but I found out that sometimes her husband has sex with her sister, my older daughter, and the younger one knows about it and even encourages them to do it. Her argument is that this way her husband is not so likely to cheat on her.
Queenie, should I try to do something about all this, and if so, what should I do?— Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Apparently your younger daughter and her husband do not believe in the “forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him/her” part of their marriage vows.
It is naïve of your younger daughter to think that this arrangement will keep her husband from cheating on her. Just the opposite is more likely to be the case.
As for what you should and can do: tell your daughters – as gently as you can manage – just what you think about all this (including what I have said, if you wish to quote me) and hope (pray!) that they will listen to what you say.
Dear Queenie,
My oldest sister has always been my parents’ favorite. It’s not just me, all my other brothers and sisters think so too.
As I grew up I started to think for myself and while I always obeyed their rules and lived by their standards, I started to disagree with a lot of what they believe, so they decided I was a rebel.
Queenie, how can I convince them that they really do favor my oldest sister and that while I respect their beliefs I do not have to agree with them?—Younger son
Dear Son,
You may never convince your parents that they show favouritism for one of their children. And people who have firmly fixed beliefs often have difficulty understanding how anyone can believe anything else.
Try not to get into any arguments with your parents about all this. As long as you live with them, abide by their rules, try to live up to their standards and ask them what more you can do to show them the respect they deserve as your parents.
