Dear Queenie,

  I’ll be graduating from university at the end of the next semester and I asked my parents for a graduation party, but they said they would rather wait and spend the money on my wedding when I get married.

  I wasn’t planning on anything big and I wasn’t expecting any gifts, I just wanted to celebrate the occasion.

  Queenie, would it be okay for me to throw myself a party?—Graduation Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

  It is okay for you to give yourself a party, but do not mention the reason for it, just tell the people you invite that you are having a get-together. Then when your guests arrive you can tell them what the celebration is all about.

Dear Queenie,

  Our teenage granddaughter does not come to visit us anymore. We asked her mother, our daughter-in-law, why, and she said it’s because the girl doesn’t like the way my husband, her grandfather, rubs her back and shoulders.

  Queenie, he’s been doing this the same way since she was small. Why is it all of a sudden a problem? Of course he’ll stop doing it if she doesn’t like it, but why didn’t she just say something?—Sad grandparents

Dear Grandparents,

  Probably the way her grandfather was touching her became a problem for her when your granddaughter started going through puberty, and she may have been too self-conscious about it to say anything. She may also have started hearing stories about child molestation and misinterpreted her grandfather’s behaviour.

  He should apologise to her for making her feel uncomfortable with him and promise not to do it anymore.

  However, she (or her parents) should have said something to him about it before it caused such a rupture in your family relations.

  I hope an open discussion and some mutual apologies can heal this breach.

Dear Queenie,

  A friend of mine from when we were in school together has gotten some ideas that I just can’t agree with. I don’t want to argue with him about any of it and we have always been such good friends that I don’t want to just stop having anything to do with him, but if I just keep quiet when he gets on about these things he’ll think I agree with him.

  Queenie, is there any chance I could get him to change his mind about any of this or should I just give up on being friends with him?—Fed-up friend

Dear Friend,

  When he says something that bothers you, just tell him you do not agree with him and do not want to talk about it, and change the subject of the conversation. Either he will accept the fact that you do not agree with him and talk about something else, or you will find yourself spending a lot less time with him.

Dear Queenie,

  I am very careful about what I give my children to eat because I want them to be healthy and have good eating habits, so I only give them healthy food. However, their father gives them all sorts of sweets and junk food.

  Queenie, should I keep trying or should I just give up and let them eat junk?—Doing my best

Dear Doing my best,

  Aside from the question of whether what their father gives them is good for their health is the fact that he is sabotaging your efforts and making them see you as a mean mother. If their father will not listen to you, perhaps he will listen to your children’s doctor, your paediatrician, about what is good – and what is not good – for your children.